Victim wants church to take responsibility for abuse

A man haunted by childhood memories of sexual abuse at a Catholic orphanage in Christchurch just wants someone to acknowledge there was wrongdoing.

He "f***ed up" his life for 25 years living with the burden of the abuse's trauma, and today, eight years after speaking out to police and sitting through legal negotiations with a religious Order, he is angry, feeling no one has taken responsibility despite an out-of-court settlement.

Michael, 43, spoke to nzherald.co.nz about six years he spent at St Joseph's orphanage in Christchurch, the 25 following years he kept the sexual abuse he experienced there bottled up, and the eight years till today he has been frustrated trying to get his plight recognised.

Michael lives with his pregnant partner and two children, aged 2 and 5, in a Christchurch suburb and works as a construction worker.

More than 30 years ago, he spent about six years at Christchurch's St Joseph's orphanage, from age 4.

It was run by the Nazareth Sisters, and was nearby St John of God's Marylands residential school, where more than 100 complainants have come forward alleging sexual abuse.

Most of his carers were nuns, but Michael said there was a man working there who he believed was a clergyman.

The man would repeatedly touch his penis at the orphanage's swimming pool, Michael said.

He remembers vividly the day he struck back.

"What happened was this guy was molesting us in a big outdoor pool. It was about 100 feet long. He had a whole band of littlies. If it wasn't me it was another kid.

"There were 10 kids waiting behind the door ... They were in shock, not knowing who's next.

"I had already premeditated what I was going to to. He asked me, 'can I touch your willy?'. Where the door was was the 10 foot deep end of the pool and I pushed him in.

"When I got out the door there were 10 kids waiting. When he tried to come through the door I chucked a stone at him. All the kids grabbed these stones and let him have it.

"Sister Anthony came down; she could hear it and she was a good half mile down the other side of the property."

Michael told Sister Anthony about the abuse, and she had the man transferred - to a scout group where the man was arrested for molesting three more boys, he said.

Michael left the orphanage for a foster home, but he soon left there as well and ended up in juvenile detention.

He spent more than two decades dealing with drinking and anger problems, constantly getting in fights, drifting from job to job, never telling anyone about the sexual abuse that was lodged in the back of his mind. It kept him on the edge of mental breakdown.

"It all stems right back to the orphanage," he said.

"If someone was there to help me ... I really wish they were there to help me. I really have so much to offer this place."

It wasn't until a sexual abuse scandal at Marylands residential school gained publicity in 2002 that he decided to tell someone.

He had not even been able to tell his wife, from whom he had become separated.

"I was embarrassed to say, 'I'm a sexual abuse survivor'. I could never, ever say that."

Michael went to police and began negotiations with the Nazareth Sisters, and the matter was taken to court.

In 2003, in a hotel near Hagley Park, Michael met nuns from the Order for the first time since leaving the orphanage.

"I was very adamant and a little bit naive and gung-ho, like: 'Hey, they're here!'. I was like a kid in a candy shop, thinking 'how can I get you to understand all the emotions?'."

Michael demanded to see Sister Anthony again to tell her she could have prevented three children from getting abused by the man he had warned her about. He wanted the Order to take responsibility for letting sexual abuse happen.

But he came out of the meeting with an out-of-court settlement, with which he continues to feel frustration.

Michael said the Order took responsibility for physical abuse caused by frequent canings by nuns, but not for the sexual abuse that happened at the orphanage.

"Not for what's on the forefront of my mind, the chip on my shoulder."

The Nazareth Sisters' solicitor in Christchurch, Andrew Marsh, said Michael's complaints had been resolved through mediation in late 2003.

"As far as the sisters are concerned that was an end to the matter," Mr Marsh said.

"If Michael wants to comment, that is entirely up to him. He is entitled to comment ... [but] we don't comment on these things."

Michael had also spent days at St John of God's Marylands residential school during the 1970s, during the same time that other victims were molested there.

St John of God spokesman Simon Feely said that the Order had made a non-binding payment of $31,500 to Michael in good faith to help him.

"The Order's leadership then and now apologises to each and every victim of abuse, no matter where it occurred and who perpetrated it," Mr Feely said.

If Michael wants to pursue his complaints further, he needs to call 0800 005 346, Mr Feely said.

Michael said he felt no one was taking responsibility for the abuse he suffered.

"I don't think they realise how easy it would be to help me. They could help me and my kids just by acknowledgement. There was some acknowledgement but they're saying it's not our fault and that makes it never fixed."

He wants an apology, and support for his children.

"I would like my three kids to get to the end of the whole conversation. It's held me back from being a stable person mentally.

"I don't think my kids have to suffer. I was supposed to be there for them so they can get a great education. I'm failing them."