The Diary: Beyonce's backstage baby proof demands

Mrs Carter spells out her temperature-candle-soap-linen wishlist.

Beyonce and daughter Blue Ivy enjoying the Kiwi surf.
Beyonce and daughter Blue Ivy enjoying the Kiwi surf.

Beyonce exited her private jet on the tarmac in Auckland this week cradling her 22-month-old daughter, Blue Ivy, in her arms as a brawny bodyguard wielded an umbrella to shield mother and child from waiting paparazzi.

Yesterday, she posted a picture on Instagram of the pair paddling in the surf. However, it's the 32-year-old diva's extravagant tour demands, including at Vector Arena, that have drawn raised eyebrows.

The songstress' stipulations backstage, according to InTouch magazine, demand that her dressing room be completely baby-proofed, with all white furnishings, crisp tablecloths and a temperature set at 22.2C. And only Jo Malone candles and Irish Spring bar soap, thanks.

Though as far as rider requests, it's positively civilised compared with Mariah Carey, who opts for Cristal champagne and bendy straws. Van Halen requests M&Ms, minus the brown ones. Axl Rose prefers white bread and Dom Perignon; Busta Rhymes calls for fried chicken, Guinness and condoms; and Billy Idol needs a tub of I Can't Believe It's Not Butter.

However, Welsh rockers The Manic Street Preachers ditched the diva behaviour backstage at their X Factor performance in Auckland this year. Their request was positively modest - only three types of water: still, sparkling and vitamin. Boring.

Perhaps they're just willing to forgo the affected-rock-star demands to climb back up the music food chain and charts.

Paul Henry bares all

Shock tactics are nothing new for Paul Henry, but in his new book, Outraged, the 52-year-old dad of three exposes himself COMPLETELY. Posing fully starkers in two pics, Henry, a self-proclaimed nudist, appears rather proud of his, er, manhood. And hubris is a theme that runs throughout the tome, with its haphazard and humorous collection of observations, personal slights and bons mots.

Not many come off unscathed - including the Herald. Henry outrages, offends and appals in a personal style that is part biting wit, part bigotry and part chauvinism which Benny Hill would envy.

Kate Hawkesby, Mark Sainsbury, Owen Glenn, Winston Peters, Rolf Harris and Kim Dotcom come in for a mention. So does homosexuality - but Henry insists he has been "accused" of being both homophobic and homosexual in the past.

Muslims and Maori activists are fair game, too, with the latter being lambasted for a lack of work ethic.

For the man whose upcoming late-night TV3 show is based on the lampooning style of Jon Stewart's Daily Show, this book is a send-up to ensure he stays in the limelight.

Here are some rabble-rousers:

On Dotcom
"Where did this love affair we seem to have with Kim Dotcom come from? Why do people gravitate towards him? Is it that he is so big that he has his own atmosphere to which people are drawn into orbit?"

On lesbianism
"Although I am not myself a lesbian, I do have a very good understanding of lesbianism. In fact, I completely understand the attraction - to the point that I think some of the same things they do every 20 seconds or so".

On feminism
"Any department for women's affairs should be closed down and any reference to glass ceilings scratched from the record, so the whole topic should be consigned to history. It was a diabolical uprising that almost completely destroyed the ability most pretty little ladies had to craft the perfect pavlova."

On ageing politicians
"Some politicians you look at and think, 'Has time stood still?' Annette King - s***, is she still there? How old is she now? Doesn't she have some life waiting for her somewhere ... anywhere?"

On lying
"Essential part of life. Without it we are f***ed."

On going nude
"With nudist establishments, there are those for the sporty, the sexually hungry, the homosexual, the spiritual and so on. Get the choice wrong and things can be interesting, dull, outrageous or - in the case of the spiritual - bloody annoying."

On Seven Sharp
"The high ground was there for TVNZ to lose, and that's what they have done. Don't quote ratings. Just ask yourself, TVNZ: Am I proud of what I am producing for my money? Of course you're not! Don't blame the hosts - they must be desperate to be set free. The whole thing is so ill-conceived and badly executed for that time slot ... It's actually all my fault that it's so bad. I turned the job down, and what we have now is a rushed plan B."

On homosexuals
"You are not special just because you are gay. The world does not need to stand aside and recognise you for your ability to have sex with your own kind ... Theatrical gays can be quite fun."

To His Worship the Mare Lover

Mayor Len Brown finally admitted to an illicit two-year extra-marital affair with Bevin Chuang, 25 years his junior. He said this week he wants closure - well, he should start with his zipper. Here are some other quips on the sex scandal:

Congrats to Len Brown, winner of the local body erections.
Dominic Harvey

Can anyone hire out the Ngati Whatua room? #askingforafriend
Hilary Barry

The Len Brown scandal is getting multi-cultural. Big up AK.
Manuel Bundy

The security guard was so upset by walking in on the mayor he moved to Hanmer Springs and took up a job as a hotel waiter.
Toby Manhire

Emmett Hussey is only 10 more sex scandals away from the mayoralty.
Winston Aldworth

Don't ever EVER buy women cheap lingerie.
Deborah Coddington

- NZ Herald

© Copyright 2014, APN New Zealand Limited

Assembled by: (static) on red akl_n4 at 26 Jul 2014 07:11:53 Processing Time: 562ms