She says it's important for people to acknowledge what has happened and that to avoid mentioning it can be hurtful. "It's true that some people just don't know what to say - but it's important to not leave a colleague feeling isolated."
If you say nothing, the issue becomes for the person like an elephant in the room, and they don't know how to deal with it. However, because grief is so individual, it's important to understand what the person wants - there are a minority of people that would actually prefer not to be constantly reminded of their loss so one acknowledgment or a card may be all they need.
Blair says the workplace can help with practical things, and perhaps allow the employee some extra time off if needed. It's good for employers to understand that when someone is grieving, their concentration levels are affected and multitasking can become close to impossible. "They're in emotional overload and can be exhausted. This is something to be particularly aware of if the employee is doing a manual job."
Some people use work as a distraction from their grief, but even if they are seeming to do well, it's good to understand that they are vulnerable.
Employers and colleagues should also know that there is no time limit on grief - and the comment, "Aren't you over it yet?" is not helpful. In my experience, neither is the comment: "You're dealing with it so well ..." This creates an expectation on the griever and blocks them off from asking for often much needed help.
The most recent research on grief indicates that it is individual to the person grieving and their relationship with the deceased. It is also connected with an individual's past grief, for example, when a father dies the person could start grieving for their mother who died 10 years previously all over again, as the death of the father means they can't talk to him about their mother and therefore she is further lost to them.
Of course when it is someone in the workplace who has died, their colleagues often need support - particularly if the death has been sudden or shocking. It's important for the workplace to give time off to go to the funeral and be with the family.
Most important, Blair says, is communication. "It's important for colleagues to know what's happened and it's important for it to be communicated to the staff what the family of the person wants. Someone in the company can take a clear role in this - it could be a manager or an individual who had a good relationship with the deceased."
Blair says the organisation should also consider, with employees, how to respond to what happened. Should there be a memorial book or fundraising? "It's important to get the staff together and talk about what's happened. That way you will be able to see who needs extra support. Of course this needs to be gauged continually, as some people may seem okay in the short term, but the effects may come through later."
If the loss occurred at work, things can get confused and rumours can start up. "In these situations, which thank goodness are extremely rare, people feel really vulnerable. This might not just be in the office where the incident occurred, but potentially in other branches and other organisations with the same type of work. Awareness of this is important.
"It's important for staff to be offered help from counselling services."
Blair points out that when there has been a traumatic death, things can keep coming up further down the track, and help needs to be continuous, not just short term. "For some people it can take six months or more for reactions to kick in, that's because of the shock. It's good to be aware of post-traumatic stress reactions."
It's important for the workplace to be aware of that and to continue to support staff.
Disclaimer: Val Leveson works as a counsellor at the Grief Centre.
