Signs of a struggling society include division, bias, personal attacks, low civic engagement and a breakdown in empathy, writes Shelley Loader. Photo / 123rf
It has been my goal and challenge to write about divisive and sensitive social issues in a way that inspires awareness, reflection and cohesion.
I get regular feedback from people who connect with various things I have written about or who want to share their perspectives.
I value both.
But what really fills my bucket is when people share the positive impacts that increased awareness and reflection of their own thoughts, feelings and behaviours have made in their lives and interpersonal relationships.
It’s that awareness, knowing we make positive impacts, that drives us to keep standing up even when sometimes it feels like we are standing alone.
Awareness and self-awareness are essential for personal growth because they help us gain a deeper understanding of ourselves and the world around us.
Awareness refers to the state of being informed or knowledgeable about something.
For example, if we learn about the impacts of our actions on the environment, then we develop environmental awareness.
Self-awareness is our ability to recognise our thoughts and emotions, understand our motivations and values, and acknowledge our strengths, weaknesses and areas for improvement.
Self-reflection is the process of examining our thoughts, feelings and behaviours to gain insight and understanding.
It involves identifying and recognising our thoughts and emotions, understanding why we do what we do, evaluating areas for improvement, and considering different perspectives.
It’s asking ourselves questions like “What did I learn?” or “What would I do differently?”
This enables us to thrive personally and professionally while also contributing to a more inclusive and diverse community, and individual and collective well-being.
Signs we may struggle to self-reflect include resistance to feedback and critical self-examination, confirmation bias, rigid thinking, emotional reactivity, and lack of empathy and compassion.
Cognitive biases, emotional discomfort, and lack of self-awareness can distort how we see ourselves.
Even when we recognise the need for growth, fear of change or external pressures like societal expectations and the need for validation can block honest self-reflection.
Difficulty with self-reflection can lead to poor communication, unresolved conflict, defensiveness, dismissiveness, blame and lack of accountability, all undermining collaboration and collective success.
Signs of a struggling society include division, bias, personal attacks, low civic engagement, inequality, emotional distress, echo chambers, and a breakdown in empathy and constructive dialogue.
Rising mental health issues are a natural response to societal harm and reflect something wrong with our environment rather than individual failings.
Experiencing or witnessing traumatic events, like abuse, violence or systemic oppression, chronic stress from societal expectations and pressures, inequality or discrimination, and social determinants like poverty, lack of access to education or healthcare, or social isolation all contribute to mental health issues.
When I reflect on my long-term involvement in the community sector, I see clear patterns between social harm (lack of understanding, empathy and meaningful support) and disengagement.
In identifying patterns, it’s critical to honour and not minimise the uniqueness of individual lived experiences. We must remember I am referring to real people experiencing real disadvantages and distress.
I associate disengagement with those who have fallen through the cracks in service provision; people experiencing chronic homelessness, people with disabilities, survivors of abuse in care, and people experiencing intergenerational poverty, social exclusion, and family harm.
I associate cumulative and compounding disadvantages, systemic failures, and social harm.
In advocating, my biggest barrier is our mainstream belief that disengagement with government services is a choice.
However, when I ask if disengagement is a choice, I am always met with a resounding no.
I am told they can self-reflect on their limited choices until the cows come home, but they can’t self-reflect their way out of a lack of viable choices and systemic harm.
Disengagement is a loss of trust in humanity – for their own survival, they can’t engage with a society that isn’t safe and continues to fail and harm them.
Their stories are unique, but they share themes of limited options, meaningful support failures, discrimination and judgment. They are stories of neglect and harm.
There is another pattern. Blame directed towards government, decision-makers, privileged people, and sometimes people working in social services.
From where I sit, that blame and those generalisations are equally harmful. In my experience, many people who fall into those categories are also very aware of societal dynamics, some actively working to effect positive change.
Do I see opportunities for healthier boundaries, awareness, reflection and growth amongst people who disengage? Absolutely.
I also see the same opportunities among decision-makers and people in power who are more advantaged but equally entrenched in their belief systems.
But for me, the real opportunity lies in collectively increasing our individual social awareness and accountability for social problems across our community.
When I apply critical thinking, the bigger question becomes how does dismissing lived experience and framing disengagement as a choice serve mainstream society?
Is a narrative of personal responsibility over systemic failures a coping mechanism for those of us more privileged to avoid reflection and accountability for our own choices?
Does it evidence our deserved privilege because, by default, we have made better choices? Are we saving ourselves a dollar? Are we putting complex issues in the too-hard basket?
We all share responsibility for shaping our society. We must all hold ourselves accountable, not just for our personal actions, but for our collective failures.
True progress doesn’t come from ignoring issues or applying more Band-Aids and resources we can’t afford, but from reducing the social and financial burden to us all.
To support well-being and cohesion, we must consider all perspectives.
Change begins with empathy, active listening, and mutual respect.
We all share responsibility not just for what is, but for what is becoming.
Shelley Loader is the manager of Community House Whanganui.