Affairs can make partners feel inadequate, writes Nicky Rennie. Photo / 123rf
Affairs can make partners feel inadequate, writes Nicky Rennie. Photo / 123rf
Opinion by Nicky Rennie
Whanganui-based Nicky Rennie returned to her home town in 2018 while celebrating three decades in broadcasting. She has written a column for the Whanganui Chronicle since 2021.
There is a wonderful word in the English language called schadenfreude.
It’s actually a combination of two German words. Harm is Schaden and Joy is freude.
Essentially, it is experiencing joy at the suffering of others.
The general consensus is that this joy isn’t experienced when somethingbad happens to good, kind people, or war happens to a nation, but when someone either isn’t nice and kind or has done something wrong and then they get their comeuppance.
An example would be if you worked in an office space where a co-worker made everyone’s life a misery.
However, the biggest and best example of this that I have ever encountered of universal schadenfreude, happened on July 18 this year when the extra-marital affair of Astronomer CEO and his head of HR was gloriously displayed for all the world to see at a Coldplay concert.
This was the best office conversation starter ever. The ‘black and white’ brigade was firm on their line in the sand.
No ifs, buts or maybes. They deserve everything bad that is coming their way.
They all wanted a front row seat to their dastardly demise.
Astronomer CEO Andy Byron and colleague Kristin Cabot at a Coldplay Concert in Boston on the concert Kiss Cam. Picture / Supplied
The fairer of the sexes seemed to rain down exceptionally hard on both of them.
It was as if they were able to channel anything bad that had ever been done to them in a relationship of their own through these two unfortunates.
Gross generalisations and character assassinations were rife. (Nothing that a few good therapy sessions may have helped with at the time).
Men seemed to be more forgiving, or in some cases with the blokes I’ve discussed this with, silent.
You can draw your own conclusions as to why this was, but they really didn’t seem to think the punishment fit the crime.
It would appear that no man deserves to lose his livelihood for a little dalliance.
A lot of blokes that I spoke with thought the biggest crime that this CEO was guilty of, was being stupid enough to get caught.
I’ll reserve my judgement on this particular stance. Suffice to say, there were two other families, wives and children involved and that dalliance has just ripped their worlds apart.
Anything that requires me to think about my values or where I sit on a topic is a good thing as far as I’m concerned, and I really had to dig deep for this one and employ the “let he without sin, cast the first stone” philosophy.
I have been cheated on. It’s horrendous. It makes you feel inadequate, stupid, ugly and worthless. Some relationships can recover from affairs or accidentally slipping and falling into someone else.
Mine couldn’t.
I have also loved men who were off limits. I have mentioned before that I am a woman’s woman.
I am loyal to women and don’t behave deliberately in a way that would hurt another woman, so although I loved these men, I never did anything about it because I quite simply couldn’t lie straight in bed at night if I had.
There is another saying: “You lose them how you found them”.
This is like the lightning bolt of punishment for doing it in the first place. Like buyer beware between the bedsheets.
If you’re in the business of having affairs, I feel sorry for you. Your life must be immeasurably more difficult now with social media.
As I get older, I’m attempting to be more philosophical and less rigid.
I’m more about “you do you” rather than wading in on my waka of self-righteousness.
Who cares about my opinion anyway? Nobody, that’s who. I have altered my behaviour to keep my side of the street clean. Quite frankly, I don’t have the energy for drama, but I do have a confession.
I’m sorry Coldplay Couple, but the schadenfreude I experienced watching this disaster unfold actually felt really good.
It was combined with a great big helping of relief that it wasn’t me and a lesson for the future. Don’t get your meat where you get your dough.
Whanganui-based Nicky Rennie returned to her home town in 2018 while celebrating three decades in broadcasting. She has written a column for the Whanganui Chronicle since 2021.
