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Home / Whanganui Chronicle

Sex satisfaction elusive in NZ

By TEUILA FUATAI
Whanganui Chronicle·
21 Jun, 2013 06:00 PM5 mins to read

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Keeping romance alive is crucial to a healthy relationship, but juggling kids, career and family finances can put a major kink in the intimacy plans of Kiwi couples, as TEUILA FUATAI reports.

Staying active in the bedroom can reduce stress, lessen the risk of breast and prostate cancer and even cure headaches.

And while a new Durex survey suggests, 75 per cent of Kiwis believe sex is beneficial for overall health and well-being, more than half of us are not satisfied with our sex lives.

According to sexologist Dr Shelley Hiestand, who originally studied law at Otago University before earning her PhD at the Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality, frequent sexual activity has a multitude of health benefits.

"The more sex people have, the more energetic, less depressed and more able to cope with life they are.

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"It is the best stress relief. It helps women go through menopause easier because it balances hormone levels, and it increases libido."

The Las Vegas resident, who visited New Zealand earlier this year, said many people could benefit from a more active sex life.

And while there's no shortage of research backing these claims, many modern-day couples will admit busy lifestyles and hectic schedules often clash with intimacy plans.

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Diminished libidos, a lack of connection and low-energy levels have given rise to the dreaded "dry spell" for couples of all ages.

Long work hours, financial stress, teenagers, tuition fees - the list goes on - are a fact of life for most 21st-century couples. Remaining intimate amid it all can be a monumental challenge.

Pills like Viagra, as well as various performance-enhancing herbs and medications on the market, promise to fix issues in one simple dose. But purchasing pleasure in a pill, such as Viagra or its sister brand Avigra - which cost about $115 for a pack of 12 - is not always the solution.

Happiness in a pill is big business for pharmaceutical companies - the annual market for Viagra is quoted as being worth $2.95billion - but instant lust can sometimes be more harmful to vulnerable relationships already under stress.

Figures from Pfizer, manufacturer of Viagra and Avigra, show more than 71,000 prescriptions were handed out for the drugs in New Zealand between October 2011 and September last year.

Meanwhile, an announcement from Dutch company Emotional Brain regarding a sex drug it is developing for women has re-ignited debate around intimacy problems.

According to an article in the former New Zealand Family Physician journal, "sexual difficulties are often a combination of physical and psychological factors" which can be treated in a variety of ways, such as therapy and counselling.

The article, co-authored by Dr John and Dr Helen Conaglen, focuses mainly on male problems. However, it also highlights possible issues encountered by both sexes in the bedroom.

"Sexual problems are frequently seen as an individual's symptom, but really represent a couple's issue," the article states.

Mary Hodson, an emotional and sexual intimacy therapist and the central and lower North Island regional director for Sex Therapy New Zealand, largely agrees with the evaluation. "Development of a relationship over a period of time is a natural thing," she says. "Obviously, the lustful stage isn't going to last forever, but it shouldn't go away."

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Couples lacking passion, desire and lust may need to re-examine their relationship and connection with each other, Mrs Hodson says.

Ideally people should spend about 45 minutes each day "working on their relationship".

"But for some couple's, almost every day is impossible."

Work, children and even simple commitments like fitting in the gym or making time for friends put a huge amount of strain on relationships, she adds.

Unrealistic expectations of the "ideal" life - where parents are expected to be near perfect - can make it even tougher.

"If you leave sex 'till bedtime' and you're working really hard and you're both tired, then it's probably not going to happen," Mrs Hodson says.

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She says a drop in sexual frequency can often result in connection issues between partners.

"It can cause serious problems and the longer that period of time goes on, the more damage is done to the relationship," though that was not necessarily the case for all couples, she stresses.

Older couples passed the manic stages of nappies, sick babies and surly teenagers will often need to reconnect after a prolonged dry-spell.

And while boosting bedroom action may seem like the priority, many couples will find more basic aspects of their relationship require tending to first.

According to a 2005 American survey, making steps towards keeping the same bed could be a significant milestone for many couples.

It found nearly one in four couples slept in separate beds.

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Mrs Hodson states that before intimacy problems can be resolved, any emotional problems existing in the relationship must be addressed.

Medical research into psychological issues contributing to sexual dysfunction show depression, post-traumatic stress disorder and anxiety can be major contributing factors.

Assessing problems in the relationship - from each other's perspective - will help couples rekindle the flame, which may have fallen away over the years.

Intimacy - by the numbers


  • 71,000 prescriptions for Viagra and Avigra doled out in New Zealand between October 2011 and September last year.

  • $2.95 billion - estimated value of the annual market for Viagra.

  • 57 per cent of women and 54 per cent of men say emotional closeness is the most important part of sex, according to a 2006 Pfizer study.
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