Self-care isn’t selfish

It's okay to accept help when it's offered. Photo / 123rf

Kathy Cunningham

We all know people who give of their time, energy, or funds to help friends and strangers in need. Those generous souls who will pack parcels at the foodbank, volunteer at the local library, and do errands for sick neighbours. And, we also know people who are takers. People who need help, and sometimes seem to have crisis after crisis.

Are you a giver or a taker? Do you care about others or think about only yourself?

Is it possible to care about someone or something too much?

In a recent letter to the editor of a Wellington newspaper, I read with interest when a low-vision woman lost her bearings while walking home and felt overwhelmed and could not cross a busy street not knowing that she was headed in the right direction.

When a young man wearing a high-vis vest approached to ask if the woman was okay, she responded that she had lost her way.

The man then offered her his arm and walked the woman all the way home.

This man did the right thing and cared just enough to help someone in need.

What happens when someone offers to help when you are in a time of need? Do you accept immediately? Or, due to pride, stubbornness or thinking that the situation isn’t as bad as it appears, you do not accept the kindness of strangers.

This happened to me recently when my gallstone decided to remind me it was still there. The pain, nausea, dizziness, and sweats made me realise I had to get to ED at once. But I was meeting with the insurance adjuster who was viewing the hot water cylinder that had just burst, to access the damage.

I told Katrina I had to leave immediately to drive myself to the hospital. Katrina offered to drive me and when a momentary loss of my senses occurred, I said no. I soon realised it was not safe or a good idea to drive myself to WAM and accepted her kind offer.

Katrina, who I had just met moments prior, stayed with me until my husband arrived, which was a good 30 minutes. Katrina showed me kindness in many ways and for that, I am grateful she cared enough to take time out of her busy day to help me.

I believe you can care too much, and I recently heard a story about someone helping a person in need who was wearing an ankle bracelet.

This person had done a few odd jobs around the house and when he advised that he needed a place to stay, was offered the garage as a temporary sleepout.

When the odd jobs that were part of the deal for free rent were not being done and aggressive behaviour was becoming a pattern, the police were called and he was asked to leave.

According to experts, people care too much because they believe it contributes to a positive mindset, they have a need to be acknowledged, a need to be in control and they have a big heart among other things.

To stop caring too much, it’s best to put things in perspective — whose problem is it and if it is not yours, leave it alone. Just because you care doesn’t mean the other person does.

Yes, we will continue to care as we should. But not to the detriment of ourselves. Self-care isn’t selfish and when we look after ourselves first, we can look after others in a more productive manner.

Caring demonstrates love and compassion and we need more of this right now. With boundaries and balance, we can be good neighbours, find opportunities for random acts of kindness and look out for each other — without neglecting our health first.

At the start of every day, Benjamin Franklin asked himself, “What good will I do today?” If we all start the day out this way, the world will be a better place.