Our children learn what they live with

A nan's nightmare is learning that not everyone sees your mokopuna as the precious cherub you know they are. My heart was broken in the past few weeks to learn my great-grandson was being described as a bully. As they say, the apple never falls far from the tree - so drastic action was required. We came together as a whanau to work out how our angel could possibly have been seen in such a way.

Our baby loves nothing more than rolling around on the floor with his dad as they recreate world wrestling matches, their own style. Problem is, our mokopuna gets so excited by it all that he wants to try his tricks with everyone. Whether or not they want to participate is incidental!

You might recall that verse - if a child lives with criticism they learn to condemn; if a child lives with hostility they learn to fight. Our children learn what they live. If they live with encouragement, they learn confidence; if they live with friendliness they learn the world is a nice place in which to live.

This recent episode was a reminder to us all of the power of walking the talk; that if we want our children to be loving, and peaceful and kind then we must model those same behaviours in all of our interactions. My mokopuna's vigorous attempts at play fighting were being seen in quite a different light - and the onus falls on us, as adults, to encourage behaviours which enable his gentleness to come out.

Recently we announced some funding, $12 million over four years, which is essentially about helping whanau, schools and communities to focus on creating safe and nurturing environments. The trigger for this work has inevitably come from the increasing reports of bullying being a problem in far too many schools, and even earlier. We have seen the headlines about the levels of violence in playgrounds; the aggressive behaviours that are being exhibited by too many of our young people, and of course the growing concerns around cyber bullying and intimidation by text.

One community that has been working really hard to support our young people has been in Tokoroa. I've been really impressed by the way that the positive achievements of the youth in Tokoroa are regularly recognised and acknowledged. They have truly taken the concept of "it takes a village to raise a child" to heart.

As part of their project, a lot of thinking has gone into creating meaningful activities for positive behaviours. There is also a real commitment to each other - promoting the idea that "we're in this together".

I am also a huge fan of the atmosphere and attitude that characterises Hastings Intermediate School. The students exemplify the enthusiasm, the energy and positive approach to learning that I would hope could be emulated in every school in our land. This is a school where every child starts each day being welcomed by two teachers, standing at the gates to greet you. It is such a simple strategy but says everything about respect, manaakitanga, and visionary leadership.

I believe that families and communities play a vital role - indeed are often the most significant influence in promoting positive behaviours. Children learn about respectful relationships from their own families and from the environments in which they live.

We have called our project, Te Punanga Haumaru - literally a safe refuge in troubled times. I know so many of our whanau who provide safe places for their nieces and nephews, their mokopuna, when perhaps home is not a good place to be. I hope that this investment in funding, is also an investment in the hope that we can restore all of our whanau and all of our homes into sites of safety where our children are free to thrive.

And as for my darling mokopuna, well perhaps we better just talk to Dad about finding some other ways to take advantage of all that bubbling energy they both have. The thing is, there is nothing better than seeing father and son so happy to be playing together - we don't want to lose sight of that. But we also need to be absolutely committed to supporting all our children to develop skills and build healthy relationships. Ultimately, it is such support that can ensure our tamariki have the best start in life.