Here at Skip we enjoy parents calling up for a chat - not only to talk about what is happening in the community to support them but often to chat about issues they are facing in their parenting.
It's interesting how many conversations we have about tantrums. It reassures parents to know that it can be a normal part of their child's development and that there are tried and true strategies they can try that will help them through the journey.
Tantrums are often really challenging for parents, so it's always good to remember a few important tips.
Try to stay calm. Getting angry doesn't help.
Most small children have tantrums - they are a natural part of growing up.
Tantrums are caused by frustration and stress that children can't deal with. Often they happen because children can't express themselves using words, or they are tired, hungry, bored, uncomfortable or over-stimulated.
You can help your child learn how to manage his/her feelings by ignoring tantrums.
It is almost impossible to stop a tantrum once it gets going, but sometimes you can stop them happening by:
Trying not to rush things.
Not giving too many choices.
Doing something relaxing together like going for a walk or reading a book together.
Letting your child know a change is coming up - for example, when it's almost time to go home.
When a child is in full flight with a tantrum, make sure he/she is safe, stay near and carry on with other things. Don't try to talk to, reason with or discipline him/her. It's hard, but don't pay any attention to the child.
Show that you're not upset - although you might be feeling really angry, try not to show it.
If children in a tantrum are in danger of hurting themselves, move them to a safer place. If you're in a shop, leave the shopping and go to a quiet place.
When they calm down, comfort them, but don't give in to the demands they were making before they had the tantrum. Praise them for calming down.
Other strategies:
Think about when tantrums happen. Is it just before dinner? Your child might be hungry, or might be tired and want reassurance just when you're busy with something else.
If the supermarket is a really difficult time, try to change the time you go, think about shopping without your child or buy a bread roll or apple that he/she can chew on as you go. If he/she is being good, say so and give a little treat at the end.
Practise turning a "no" into a "yes". Instead of saying, "No, you can't have that," say, "Yes you can, but once we get home."
Give choices that are realistic. Instead of asking which shirt he/she wants to wear, give him/her a choice of two.
Remember tantrums aren't bad behaviour - they are small-child overload. Most children have them, many have them once a week and some have one a day.
Talk to other people who know your child well, or who have had similar experiences with their children. This could be a friend, someone from your child's early childhood centre or other parents.
Parents and families need to be consistent about managing behaviour. Talk about what's happening and agree on how you will manage your child's tantrums. And remember that it will get easier.
Don't forget the free Early Years Brainwave Seminar next week - Thursday, April 3 from 9.30am to 11.30am at the Central Baptist Community Centre.