Frank Greenall: Waitangi Day left Crown-less

ON THE TARGET: Steven Joyce takes the hit as the Crown's man on the big day.

CONSPICUOUS by his absence from ceremonies at the Te Tii Marae on Waitangi Day was our venerable Governor-General, Lt Gen The Rt Hon Sir Jerry Mateparae.

The whole import of Waitangi Day itself is to commemorate the formal conjoining of two peoples and cultures - that of Maori as tangata whenua, and those of British bent, as personified in the Crown.

Sir Jerry is our constitutionally invested legal representative of the Crown. Queen Elizabeth II (peace be with Her) is still our constitutional head of state, and Sir Jerry is meant to be her Johnny-on-the-spot to make sure things are ticking over in her far-off realm, as specified by her great- great-grandmother Queen Victoria, in whose name Te Tiriti was signed.

But on the big day itself, the marae was Jerry-less. No Jerry, therefore no Crown - one half of the deal is missing. On the face of it, this seems like a big "dis" by the governor-general. His Big Day Out - and he's not in. Awol!

So where was Sir Jerry on the big day? He was 500 kilometres away, swanning around at tea parties and nibbling cucumber sandwiches at garden soires. This is a bit like the Queen herself skiving off from the Trooping of the Colour and having a leisurely punt on the Thames instead.

To be fair, Sir Jerry and his good spouse Lady Janine had been traipsing around the general vicinity in preceding days.

On Wednesday, February 3, they hosted a dinner for the Chief of Navy in Kerikeri; the next morning they visited Te Tii Marae, with an evening reception on the HMNZS Wellington, hosted by the Chief of Navy. Maybe they played the odd game of crown and anchor.

Friday sees Sir Jerry and Lady Janine taking morning tea with the diplomatic corps at the Treaty Grounds. Later that day, Sir Jerry officiates at the official opening of the new Museum of Waitangi, and then serves as reviewing officer at the Beat Retreat and Sunset ceremony. But these are just curtain-raisers ... sideshows.

The real deal day is Saturday, February 6. And where's Jerry? He's at Government House in Auckland. Turns out he's doing a citizenship ceremony, followed by the traditional Bledisloe garden reception.

Sir Jerry's on big bucks, and the big bucks aren't coming out of Queen Liz's pocket but yours and mine. And he isn't where he should be on arguably his biggest day of the year.

He's abandoned his post and left Waitangi Crown-less. In army circles, this is known as dereliction of duty, and many fine young soldiers have been shot at dawn for less.

At the very least his pay should be docked, and he be barred from the wet canteen.

Normally, this wouldn't be of much account as the Crown - in the governor-general's absence - usually has a patsy representative in the prime minister of the day. But, of course, John Key had decided that watching the Nines at Eden Park was a bigger priority, an event made more inviting by the possible prospect of checking out a fine array of changing rooms.

But if our governor-general is not actually obliged to be there, it begs the wider question as to whether he - or the office itself - needs to be here at all. Or is he just the Queen's official toy boy?

Speaking of toys, Sir Jerry, as Crown exhibit No 1, was probably the intended target for the intrepid lady who selflessly sacrificed her sex toy in order to make a political point. Poor minister Steven Joyce had to wear it instead. Thankfully, the minister has chosen not to make it a bone of contention, but has declared it a trophy of war. Apparently, he has mounted it on his mantelpiece, where it is affectionately referred to as the Joyce stick.