SEVERAL years ago, I read The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. Chapman put into words the feelings about the experiences I have had with my own children and with my husband over the years. Like my own sense, Chapman explained that each person receives the message of love through
Discover your child's love language to communicate
By Lynette Archer
Whanganui Chronicle·
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-Receiving Gifts: Like my daughter, people who speak this love language need to receive thoughtful and personal gifts - not necessarily expensive, but individual.
-Acts of Service: With this love language, people hear love through others giving them acts of service - making the bed, cleaning the bathroom, doing a chore that they dislike.
Children probably would not be able to tell you about their love language. After all, it is a pretty abstract concept. So how do you know which love language works for your child, and how do you use that knowledge to better communicate love to them?
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Chapman suggests that we try all five and see what sticks. But he also recommends that we watch how they show love to others to see what language works for them. For example, if your child is constantly doing little things for others, it is safe to try to use the acts of service language. If you have a child who wants to jump on your lap and cuddle, physical touch is likely to be their principal love language.
Given these love languages, what would be some things that would work for a parent who wants to speak their child's love language? If your child has words of affirmation as his primary love language, criticism cuts deep. If you need to correct him, be specific as to what you want him or her to change, but make sure you include positive and loving words, and compliment your child often.
For those children who hear love through quality time, there is no better alternative to spending time together. When she asks you to take her somewhere or come see something she has been working on, make the effort to do it and make it a priority. Children who receive love through physical touch will appreciate cuddle time - maybe a story, singing songs together or just sitting close while watching a movie or playing a game. Boys who appreciate physical touch will enjoy a little wrestling match.
When they get a little older, the same physical approaches may not work or may be uncomfortable. But an occasional hug, a touch on their shoulder or arm, or a pat on the back will be appropriate.
If your child receives love through receiving gifts, consider the occasional card or putting a treat in their school backpack or lunch box. Make sure you express your love verbally or in writing with the gift.
Children who have acts of service as a love language will appreciate you doing little things for them. If they dislike doing the dishes, get up and do the dishes with them sometimes, and tell them that you love them while you do it. If they have a special interest, learn more about it so you can participate with them. Anything that is a sacrifice of time on your part will be a loving message.
Finding and learning to speak love in your child's primary love language will go a long way to helping them feel they are a priority in our lives. So learn what makes your child feel loved, and then watch your relationship with them grow as you practise that specific love language.
-For more great Parenting Tips and free resources contact Liza and Lynette at skipwhanganui@xtra.co.nz or ph/txt 027 626 1404.
