This muggy weather makes for restless nights and so I guess it comes as no surprise that on such a night I was visited by the Ghost of Christmas Future.

Not too sure, though, whether I would classify it as a dream or a nightmare ... perhaps I should let you be the judge.

So I'm lying there, unable to sleep, mentally composing an email to my editor: Please advise on how many armoured vehicles I will need to send to secure and ensure safe delivery of my Christmas Bonus. Kind regards, blah, blah, blah.

Suddenly, the room began to fill with a fog like substance. (cue creepy, ghostly FX) Oooooohh, ooooooooooohh. I lay there, motionless.


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Gradually as the air cleared and I could see the bedroom ceiling had somehow been transformed into a giant screen, awash with a myriad of dancing images.

It was December 2021.

Houses, in Auckland, despite "best efforts" remained in even higher demand and could only be purchased using Bitcoin.

The only thing moving slower than the Auckland traffic was the Christchurch rebuild
Cheese was approaching $30 a kilo and Butter was retailing for $103 a pound.

Today's gourmet trends of textures of cauliflower and pickled everything had been tossed into the pig bucket along with the ever-popular duck breast and pork belly. The new must-have menu items were slow-roasted lamb lips and marinated goat nose, whilst the humble and much-overlooked swede and been given several daring and highly successful culinary make-overs, to reign supreme when it came to root vegetables.

Santa's Workshop in the North Pole had all but become a ghost town, though several of the laid-off female elves had managed to secure a spot on Bravo TV by hitching themselves to the Little Women franchise.

Santa, who failed his last driving test, had joined the ranks of Jobseeker and could frequently be seen at WINZ branches, nationwide, trying to offload his reindeer friends as venison snags at a sausage sizzle, to supplement his inadequate pension.


It was a global decision not to replace him.

Santas in malls lost their jobs too. It was no longer deemed appropriate for a heavily disguised, fat old man to be giving kids candy while they sat perched on his knee.

His replacement was the non-denominational, genderfluid Global Gift Giver.

The toymaking had been outsourced to several highly profitable prison systems and Uber won the contract to provide driverless sleighs for delivery of said toys.

For those still requiring the old-fashioned chimney drop, drones could be booked, through Google, to complete the festive fly-overs.

Taking live streaming to a new level, was the website Click, Cluck, Pluck'N'Truck. Here buyers get a virtual tour of a Turkey Farm where they can click on the live bird of their choosing, from the comfort of home and then stream the entire process from the kill and preparation through to packaging and delivery. Interactive holiday viewing at its best. Netflix should be worried.

The iPhone 27.05 was selling for around 11K, while the number one Xmas song download on iTunes was a closely fought race between I Saw Mummy Sexting Santa Claus and I'm Tweeting Of A (insert colour here) Christmas.

On the upside, Hollywood had literally wiped itself off the map with too many claims of sexual misconduct. Yay, miracles can still happen.

The bedroom slowly started to fill with fog again. I lay there, bewildered and slightly bothered by what I had just witnessed.

Real or manufactured, it's hard to tell these days.

Illusion or delusion? Check back with me in four years.

Butter-poached feedback welcome: