Picutre this: I'm 15 and learning to drive. My mum is in the passenger seat and we're driving down a quiet, deserted street in Whangamata in the middle of winter.
A car is coming towards me, the driver tootling along well under the 50kmh speed limit. For some reason, still unbeknown to Mum or I to this day, I freak out, take my hands off the wheel, close my eyes and cruise quietly into the left hand curb. The orange Suzuki Alto comes to a gentle stop on the footpath. I've never lived it down.
But last week I proved, if only to myself, that my driving skills have improved 18 years on. And they'd need to - there's no closing your eyes and taking your hands off the wheel of a vehicle when you're pushing 190kmh down the back straight of a race track.
I was at Hampton Downs Motorsport Park to take part in BMW's driving experience day. I was originally booked in for the level one course. However, there were more participants who wanted to take the advanced level two course so the course content was bumped up to the next level. It still catered for those who were better suited to level one content, but I, for one, wound up pleased to take part in the more challenging level two course.
First up was a briefing from instructor Mike Eady. An accredited motorsport licence examiner and gifted racing driver, Mike travelled to Munich for training at the BMW instructor academy eight years ago. The programme is rigorous and not all get through. Mike completed four levels of training and is now a qualified senior BMW instructor - one of only a handful in the world.
Mike covered off some basics - how we should grip the steering wheel (at quarter to three, not ten to two!), how to work out our optimum seating positions, and where our eyes should be looking.
Then we're buddied up, two to a car, and we're introduced to our vehicles for the day. Each pair has a shiny, near new straight six turbo powered 330D for the day.
My teammate for the day is Mark, a savvy, quick-witted businessman from Christchurch. He has a penchant for cars, particularly fast ones. His latest pride and joy is his BMW 6 series Gran Coupe.
We've run through the course during the briefing but now it's time to check it out from behind the wheel. Mike's told us how to find the lines of the track and there are cones placed strategically to help with this. A few laps of the course and we've started to memorise it. The pace is swift, but manageable. And Mike's giving us pointers over the portable RT that sits in the centre console - "hug that right line a bit more", "brake a bit harder into that corner, Dani" (they remember everyone's names!).
Each driver completes several laps before we head back to the pits.
Next up is the skid pan. The purpose-built skid pan was completed in October 2010. Perfectly smooth, aside from a rough 2m perimeter, the 100mx50m skid pan has water jets to wet the surface.
Mike talks us through what the cars will do when they're on the skid pan. Even at 30kmh, with traction control turned off they'll start to skid. Take your foot off the throttle and steer out of the skid, he says. And if that doesn't help, brake!
For some reason I think the other instructor is getting into the passenger seat with us, but he's not. I'm in there on my own. My nerves kick in and my stomach does somersaults. What if I go too fast and spin out and crash into the concrete barrier?!
But any fear of crashing is soon extinguished. Sure, it's slippery but Mike's tips are spot on and the car glides around the course. I steer out of a few skids before Mike calls me off the course so the next two cars can have a turn.
"Are you a farmer's daughter?" Mike asks after I've parked the car and rejoined the other spectators. "Nope, I'm a city girl through and through. Why's that?"
"You can normally pick the ones who've grown up on a farm, can drive in the wet and get out of skids like that. You did really well."
I'm quietly pleased with myself. The week or so before the event, my competitive nature had kicked in and I admit was worried the boys in the group would all out perform me. Turns out I had nothing to worry about there.
We each get another turn on the skid pan, this time I push the car a bit hard and spin out twice. Just because I can. And while it's a bit of fun, it was also good to have that experience. I don't want to find myself in a skid but at least I have a better understanding of how to try and get out of one.
It's off to lunch where others on the course want to know what other things we've tried out for this column. Sacha goes for things that involve heights, I tell them. I go for things that involve speed. Like today.
That competitive streak kicks in again as we all pile back into our cars and head down to the slalom course. I'm pleased to be doing the level two course today because that involves a considerably longer slalom course than the level one drivers do.
Mike takes us through the course: a tight slalom, short blat up to a more open slalom set, boot it up to the corner, around the bend, boot it again and hard brake before throwing the car around a cone, foot down as we head back to the corner and back down the straight, open slalom, short burst, tight slalom and boot it back home, slamming the brakes on right at the end.
We get three runs, each is timed. Mike adds two seconds for every cone we hit and an extra six seconds if we knock the cone over at the end, signalling that we haven't braked soon enough.
The boys are amped. I am too, just quietly. It's my turn and, like the boys, take off with tyres squealing. I misjudge the length of the car and the angles of the slalom and knock three cones over. I know it and I'm pissed off with myself.
My time wasn't bad at 1 minute 28 seconds, but my cone penalties takes that out to 1:34. My next time is better, at about 1:24.
There's a leaderboard back up in the pavilion with the top 10 times for the short level one slalom and the longer level two slalom. Anything under 1 minute 20 is good, says Mike. The top time is 1:17:71.
A couple of the guys are gunning for a top 10 placing. But the rules have changed for the last round. If you knock a cone over, you're disqualified.
Mike's egging them on but warns them to watch out for me: "she's a dark horse that one".
I'm sitting at the start line and give myself a pep talk: get your speed and steering motion consistent. Breathe. You can do it.
I scream off down the track and nail the tight slalom and the open one. My foot is hard down as I boot it to the corner, brake hard, and foot down again to the half way mark. Rule of thumb is half way is generally about 45 seconds. My teammate Mark tells me later that I swung the 330D around at 40 seconds. I nail the open slalom and my pace is good but I start to worry about my time and I knock the third to last cone over. Insert expletive here!!
But my time is 1:22:48, just two seconds slower than the fastest guy in the third round who clocked 1:20:48.
We head back up to the pits. The other two women did fine on the slalom, few cones knocked over but their times weren't up there.
Mike splits us into two groups for the faster laps of the day. I've made it into the "fast" group with the boys. Yuss!!
Throughout the day, Mike talks about how the car feels in the seat of your pants. You can feel if you're pushing too hard on the throttle, or if you've taken the wrong line in that corner. Well, Mark takes the wheel first for the second lot of laps and I can tell you, as a passenger, I felt everything in the seat of my pants.
He drives like a pro, but it's rather terrifying being a passenger at 180kmh.
By the time we head back to the pits to change places, I'm ready for my turn! Mark offers helpful tips about when to turn out of a corner, what lines to aim for and offers plenty of encouragement on the gas.
"We don't have to pay for the tyres! C'mon Dani, give it s**t!" he grinned! And I do and can feel, as Mike says, how the car handles through the seat of my pants. She handles beautifully around the corners and as I put my foot down hard on the back straight, I can feel her wanting to keep pulling as we nudge 190kmh before braking hard ahead of the upcoming bend.
We round out the day with hot laps in an M3. It's the last of its generation in New Zealand with its throaty V8 engine. The new M3 is due to be launched here in a couple of months. It'll be more powerful with its M TwinPower Turbo straight 6-cylinder petrol engine, but it won't sound the same as the V8.
While the day is entertaining and exhilarating, instructors also impart valuable basic knowledge of safety-related principles and the laws of driving dynamics.
The late, great Peter Brock said circuit racing was the most fun you can have with your pants on. I reckon he was right.
BMW's Driver Training days run regularly at Hampton Downs Motorsport Park. They also hold Alpine xDrive courses at the Southern Hemisphere Proving Grounds near Queenstown. For more information, Google "BMW driving experience".