Although Miley Cyrus, numerous footballers and Ted Keen (winner, Aotearoa’s next Top Mullet, 2024) have been – ahem – “rocking” the mullet for a few years or so, we’ve withheld judgment on the reappearance of this particular “hairstyle”.
After all, we all make mistakes. But the return of the mullet reached a tipping point at this year’s Met Gala with even Vogue – that until-now highly authoritative fashion organ – granting its blessing. “The Met Gala says: the mullet is back!” read the heartbreaking headline. It went on to say:
“Greta Lee [no idea] Jodie Turner-Smith [no idea], and Rita Ora [yep – heard of her] all pulled off different takes on the trend – and spoiler alert* – they made it look good.”
(*Of course, this isn’t a spoiler alert in that it will spoil your enjoyment of what you are reading by revealing the outcome.)
The mullet comes hot on the heels of the fade, in which the sides of the head are shaved and the top left with some length. Just extend that length down the side a little and indefinitely at the back and – voila – the mullet. It’s described as “business in the front, party in the back” which sounds great but means absolutely nothing.
One mullet feature was headlined: 13 ways to embrace your individuality, which is spot on, if by “individuality”, you mean basing your life around copycat lists found on the internet.
The pure mullet never really went away and started to re-trend a couple of years ago. Now, like socks in Crocs, they are everywhere. There has even been a charity mullet drive, themulletmatters.co.nz, which worked very hard to give the mullet a respectable backstory: “From indigenous resistance to colonialism, alternative music scenes, through to making a statement on the rugby world stage – it has always been a symbol of rebellion.”
It claims the mullet for just about everyone except suffragettes and anti-vivisectionists. That’s right – fashion trends that attract lemming-like followers are always presented as “symbols of rebellion”. Good cause, though, and apparently you could donate without making yourself look foolish.
According to mullet lobby group mulletchamp.com, the mullet reached its peak in the hair-rockers of the 80s – Jon Bon Jovi, David Lee Roth, Joan Jett, touching giddy heights that have never been – and that we would prefer weren’t – achieved again.
Mulletchamp tries to give the style legitimacy with a dubious quote from Homer that sounds vaguely like it’s describing a mullet, and the claim that today’s go-to ancestors – the Neanderthals – also had them. Indeed, the mullet does look like a Neanderthal haircut, though probably not in the sense that Mulletchamp intends it.
The use of the name of a well-known fish to describe the hairstyle is of more recent vintage. Predictably, there are several theories. One traces it back to the 1967 Paul Newman film Cool Hand Luke in which long-haired characters are referred to as mulletheads.
More authoritative sources, such as the Oxford English Dictionary – credit the Beastie Boys with introducing the phrase in their 1994 song Mullet Head. Prior to this, according to squidoo.com, the term was just a general label for those of restricted intelligence.
Regional variations described the style as a “Kentucky Waterfall”, “Mississippi Top Hat” and “Bouncing Cobra”, none of which explains how the name of the fish came to be connected with the name of the hairstyle, although it has been suggested it was a look adopted by French fishermen. Given that nation’s generally high standards when it come to personal appearance this seems unlikely.
There is no doubt, however, that the mullet provides a perfect example of Laver’s law, which was formulated by fashion historian James Laver. It states that any fashion goes through the following stages in this order:
Indecent: 10 years before its time
Shameless: 5 years before its time
Daring: 1 year before its time
Smart: Current fashion
Dowdy: 1 year after its time
Hideous: 10 years after its time
Ridiculous: 20 years after its time
Amusing: 30 years after its time
Quaint: 50 years after its time
Charming: 70 years after its time
Romantic: 100 years after its time
Beautiful: 150 years after its time
In which case, by our calculations, the 80s-defining look is teetering between quaint and charming. So much for history. As to the mullet’s present, we must be resigned, and as to its future, we can only speculate and pray.
