You can always count on a couple of 10-year-olds and their toilet humour to put you off some long-awaited kai moana.

I suppose I can't talk – I never grew out of it myself, but would prefer them not to dissect the scallops piece by piece after I've sat down to tuck in.

They were in good spirits after a fun day on the water. Miss Ten, our resident hunter-gatherer, caught the only fish of the day – a sizable snapper – and, it being the start of the season, the scallops were aplenty.

We'd also anchored near a strange

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