The women allege the man demanded sex daily. Photo / 123rf
WARNING: This article discusses allegations of sexual abuse and violence and may be upsetting to some readers.
For 15 years, a man’s alleged cycle of control moved from woman to woman, one of whom has described in court the psychological torment of coming home to find him with chicken wire wrapped around his neck.
“He played two people, he was the hero or the victim. He was never in between,” she said of her ex-husband, who is on trial for 33 charges of sexual and physical violence against five women.
The High Court at Whangārei has heard that between 2000 and 2015 the man had relationships with each of the women, one after the other.
One relationship lasted just five months, another resulted in marriage and all of the women had children with him.
When one relationship ended, he would enter a new one almost immediately.
Four of the women alleged they were repeatedly raped while in a relationship with the man and some have reported physical abuse, including being hit, thrown or punched.
Earlier in the week, the first complainant gave evidence about her 10-month relationship with the man when she was just 16 years old.
She said she was allegedly held under the water by the man after he had urinated in a cup and poured it on her.
The incident happened after months of abuse where he allegedly threatened to kill her, allegedly attempted to cut off her finger and allegedly said he was going to make her a virgin by cutting her with a knife.
All of the women told the police the man allegedly demanded sex daily and was persistent to ensure the women submitted.
On Thursday, the third complainant gave evidence.
She said she had met the man on the Tongariro Crossing and they fell into a whirlwind romance that was great for about three weeks.
In the two years they were together, they married and went on to have two children.
“I loved that man and I ignored all of the things he did to me out of love for him at the time,” she told the court.
The Crown alleges the man regularly demanded sex from her and when she was five weeks post-partum told her, “I need it, I want it and you should be ready by now.”
With the defendant’s family allegedly just outside the bedroom, the woman felt powerless to refuse and was reduced to tears from the pain during the act.
“I was exhausted from his constant demands.
“I had to play a role where he wanted specific things. If I didn’t do what he requested, it just made it last longer,” she told the court.
The woman said he had an obsession with oral sex, which often led to punishment.
“When he got sick of doing one act, he would do another,” she said.
The Crown alleges that on one occasion she woke to him ejaculating on her face.
Defence lawyer Martin Hislop put it to the woman the incident never happened.
She said although her memory was patchy, the event occurred.
“The incident happened, you don’t forget that.
“I remember him being over me and looking up at him and being horrified ... that’s my memory.”
The woman told the court about an alleged incident when she came home and found her husband with chicken wire around his neck.
“I felt like it was something to further traumatise me,” she said.
“In that moment he was the victim, he wanted to alarm me.”
Hislop presented as evidence a Facebook post the complainant had made. It warned women “do not date this man”, saying he was psychologically abusive, has seven children to five women and is not financially responsible.
Hislop put it to the woman that she was trying to start a campaign against the man with the “ex-wives club” because he went from one woman to another.
“Why would I want any other woman to deal with his abuse? If I could save one woman through my story, then why not.
“I couldn’t live with myself knowing I could have made a difference in his next victim’s life and I stood by and did nothing.”
The woman told the court she was never physically hit by the man but at the time she did not understand what consent was.
“I ignored a lot of things that happened. I learnt a lot of things in that relationship wasn’t normal.”
The judge-alone trial continues before Justice Rebecca Edwards.
Shannon Pitman is a Whangārei-based reporter for Open Justice covering courts in the Te Tai Tokerau region. She is of Ngāpuhi/ Ngāti Pūkenga descent and has worked in digital media for the past five years. She joined NZME in 2023.