It's a hard road to find the perfcet dress Phopto / 123rf
I’ve been asked to provide an update on Mrs P’s hunt for the perfect dress for No 1 Son’s upcoming wedding.
So, if you’ve just joined us, here’s the story so far.
No 1 Son is getting hitched in late February next year – that’s right, eight months away – and Mrs P is now three months into her hunt for just the right dress.
I’ve discovered, however – and those blokes who have accompanied their beloved down this apparently well-trodden path will know exactly what I’m on about – it’s not that simple.
She first found the perfect dress in early March. Job done. Or so I thought.
Then she found the perfect dress – again – in April.
Then, last week, she found the perfect dress again. For the third time.
“What’s that?” I hear you say. Or did you just hear me crying in the corner?
Anyway.
By all accounts, right back when the wedding date was announced, The Sisterhood had a get-together – there may have even been some wine involved – it was decided as the mother of the groom it was her responsibility, nay, her duty, to outshine everyone at the wedding.
Apart from the bride, of course.
On that basis she had to be prepared for every eventuality.
She would need something nobody else would be wearing. She would need something that would work in the sun and in the shade. Something that wouldn’t be too hot or cold. Something that wouldn’t make her look too old, young, fat, thin, pale or “tarty” – basically mutton dressed as lamb.
Apparently it also needed to be figure-hugging enough to accentuate some curves and “deccentuate” (if is that even a word?) others, if you get my drift.
And after all that she also needed something that she could boogie down in all night if she felt like it.
But most importantly, The Sisterhood said, she had to have a couple of reserve dresses “just in case”.
I’m still waiting for an answer to what “just in case” means.
As I’ve discovered, all this means I need to sell a kidney – and quite possibly some other body parts as well – to ensure adequate financial resources are available.
So, to last week’s purchase
We were on a mission to buy a simple loaf of bread – I kid you not – in a small parade of shops in the middle of nowhere, Mrs P ventured into a cubby-hole-sized womanswear shop next to the bakery and bang!
There it was. The dress. Again.
Naturally, she tried it on and everything was spot on. Great colour. Great fit. Right length. Perfect.
So she/we bought it.
I have to be honest here, all joking aside it does look pretty awesome. I will be like the cat with the proverbial cream when we attend the ceremony together.
Anyway.
On the way back to where we are staying I asked her about the other two “perfect” dresses she had already bought.
Turns out she was only 95% sure about the first one she bought in March. Once she’d had a chance to “really” think about it, she thought it might be the wrong length.
And while the one she bought in April was better – it scored 99% on the Mother of the Groom rating system – she wasn’t totally convinced about the print pattern.
With that one all I could recall was her trying on about 10 different dresses with patterns which all looked pretty much the same to me so I wondered why she hadn’t had a “really” good think about it before I’d opened my wallet.
But then of course came last week, and we reached the pinnacle of our/her search.
Trumpets blared, the heavenly angels choir sang and a shaft of light engulfed the garment from above as she declared “This is THE one.”
“You’re certain?” I asked. “Absolutely 100% perfect,” she replied.
But then on the drive home, as I congratulated myself on getting out of the search without spending the cash equivalent of the gross domestic product of a small island nation, she threw a spanner in my bank balance.
Apparently, she’s worried her arms might look a bit flabby in her latest dress so I’m probably going to need to buy her a gym membership and time with a personal trainer so she can tone them up in time.
And there’s still the hat, shoes and “accessories” to come. Groan.
It has to be said I’m a bit worn out by the whole thing already. I need a bit of a rest.
I’m going to need a new suit for the occasion, but I’ll probably just leave that till a couple of days beforehand.
No point in rushing is there?