Kevin Page: A good tradesman never blames his tools, or does he?

Not my fault, I explained to Mrs P, it was the rather clunky old steam driven saw my great-great-great-grandfather bought in 1827. Photo / Getty Images

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Most of us Do-It-Yourself home handyman-type blokes reach a certain point in our efforts when frustration kicks in and we decree enough is enough.

Usually this decision comes at the tail end of the labour intensive process we embarked on purely to circumvent the need to pay a professional.

So, physically spent, we start to look for a way out, er, I mean forward.

And while we would-be tradies fully endorse the saying "a good tradesman never blames his tools" we are convinced we could have probably done the job better if we did have all the right gear.

I am no exception to this rule.

In fact, I hit the wall on Saturday morning when part two of my deck building adventure stalled - about the same time every muscle and ligament in my office worker body decided to go on strike.

Naturally, wanting to save face before Mrs P - who had emerged from inside to see what all the crying was about - I blamed my tools, in this case a rather clunky old steam driven saw my great-great-great-grandfather bought in 1827.

I'm sure you get the picture.

Anyway, such was my apparently sulky demeanour (she says) Mrs P took pity on me and suggested I needed a new one.

Now, most home DIYers will tell you having your significant other mention that sentence is rather special. I savoured the moment before I nodded in agreement and casually dropped in: "I'd have this deck finished by the end of today if I had a new one".

I have to admit this was a somewhat calculated statement.

Up to Saturday I had been working on the deck off and on for about two months.

In that time Mrs P has picked her way to the front door between odd bits of spare wood, mountains of sawdust and various tools without complaint. But now it was obvious, she'd had enough.

"How much would a new one cost," she said, taking the bait.

Amazingly I just happened to have a flyer in my back pocket from a building supplies company relating to a "special" on the item in question that very day, would you believe it!. And so I whipped it out.

Even more amazing (ahem) was the fact it was already open at the correct page with the saw I wanted ringed in thick black pen.

To her credit, Mrs P didn't blink at the price, which was not insignificant I hasten to add.
"Well just get it and if you can finish the deck today that'd be great," she said as she hopped in her car and sped off for a catch up with the girls.

Naturally I didn't need a second invitation and before her exhaust fumes had disappeared through the hole in the ozone layer I had raced across town, bought the saw and its accompanying work bench and was now sitting back at home on the half finished deck staring in wide eyed wonderment at the impressive package before me.

I should point out here this purchase was most definitely a one off thing. Any more new tools would be unlikely to come my way for a little while. But I didn't mind. I had the one I had long craved.

I don't feel it would be appropriate to single out one particular brand over another. They all have their merits. Let's just say as far as I was concerned this was the bees knees.

Unfortunately I was still in that same spot when Mrs P arrived home a while later looking somewhat peeved the deck was still not finished.

I did have a good excuse though. The packaging was as tight as a drum and I couldn't get it open. In the end I was forced to try and cut the thick cardboard with the special knife passed down from my grandad, who I think must have bought it in 1937.

Unfortunately it broke and I was too scared to ask Mrs P if I could go buy a new one.

• Kevin Page is a teller of tall tales with a firm belief too much serious news gives you frown lines. Feel free to share stories to kevin.page@nzme.co.nz .