Eva Bradley.
It has been an upsetting week. Expectations got turned upside down, uncertainty about the future now abounds and (in the opinion of most New Zealanders at least) what was right and reasonable lost out to what most appealed to the great unwashed, no matter how plausible or truthful.
Donald Trump is now the president-elect of the United States and like it or not, we're all on board for what promises to be a bumpy ride.
But while much could be said (and certainly is) about the dire global consequences of the election, I've decided that in the spirit of making the most of what you have, the result is a wonderful opportunity to focus on just how developed we are in New Zealand compared with the so-called "leader" of the developed world: America.
So here, fellow Kiwis, are some great reasons to be really, really, REALLY happy this week.
1. We're not building a wall.
As a coastal nation geographically distant from other countries, New Zealand has never faced problems with border hopping. But despite this we have a "say hello" rather than "wave goodbye" immigration policy and a proud tradition of opening up our borders to those in need. This year 70,000 new migrants have been welcomed, mostly from India, China, the Philippines, UK and South Africa.
2. We don't ban people because of their religion.
Provided he's true to his word (which, fortunately, is not at all guaranteed), President Trump will shortly begin banning all Muslims from entering his dominion and monitor those already there. Meanwhile, in New Zealand we've had an almost 30 per cent increase in the number of people affiliating with the Muslim religion since 2006 - almost 75 per cent of those made up of people born outside New Zealand. Assalamu alaikum, y'all!
3. We embrace the freedom of the press.
Although we don't have a First Amendment to protect free speech, we are unlikely to hear John Key say similar laws don't apply to him because he is "not like other people".
4. The New Zealand Army won't be torturing people any time soon.
As a nation of peacekeepers, our military keep their hands and hearts clean and it does not support torture of any sort, let alone the vague but insidious "worse" techniques promised by President Trump, who also plans to wipe out the families of terrorists.
5. We don't turn our back on science and the environment when it's not convenient.
Because climate change is a "myth invented by the Chinese to hurt US manufacturers", we can expect America to cancel the Paris Agreement to reduce global warming any day soon.
Meanwhile, New Zealand has always punched above its weight representing the best interests of the environment, and even turned its back on beneficial relations with the US for 30-odd years by banning nuclear-powered ships. An eight-year moratorium on dealing with countries with unhinged leaders seems like an easy step by comparison.
6. We don't have "some form of punishment" lined up for women who have abortions.
Enough said.
While Trump's triumph may have wiped millions from the New Zealand stock exchange and the economic realities of his "keep the buggers out" foreign trade policies could hit hard, we need to remember that there was life before America and there will be life without it, if need be.
What matters more is that we can stand proud as a nation with solid values, integrity, respect for diversity and political leaders with whom we might disagree with sometimes but who are, nevertheless, not mental.
- Eva Bradley is a columnist and photographer.