See each day as a breath of fresh air - a new beginning. Photo / Getty Images
Most of us play multiple roles in our personal and private lives. Personally, we are mothers, fathers, children, sisters, brothers, aunts, uncles, etc, and the list goes on. Our professions require that we take on responsibility as executives, coaches, foremen, managers, etc. We even assume roles when playing games.
Each of these roles requires at some point, forgiveness, compassion and patience. Most of us have no problem forgiving and allowing others space for their "flaws" as they grow through life's lessons. And, even though they may "push our buttons" at times, we're still able to tap into our heart strings and afford them the space "to be human".
Parents do it with children all the time. They are in constant forgiveness mode, as they teach their children lessons about love, kindness and forgiveness.
Most of us are taught from a young age to "treat others as we would want to be treated", to be aware of how others feel and to try to take a non-judgmental view of their actions.
Since we all want to be treated with respect and dignity, this sounds perfect right?
It is. The issue arises because this beautiful, "judgment free philosophy" on life, is extended to others, but rarely gifted to oneself.
These beautiful, loving selfless thoughts and acts that we so generously offer others, need to be offered to ourselves first. Call it self-love or self-care, it all falls under the same umbrella – nurturing, owning and loving ourselves first.
The reality is, we cannot genuinely give someone something we do not own for ourselves. If we are filled with negative perceptions about ourselves, this is how we will view and judge the world around us.
Self-love is about addressing our personal wellbeing, our level of happiness, and living and aligning our power and passion with our highest potential and purpose in life.
It's not at all about indulging, being narcissistic or self-absorbed. It's about understanding our personal world and emotional survival and becoming wiser because of it, not building walls and fortresses against it.
It's about reclaiming, owning, and loving who we are as we are so that we can be empowered to change things. It's about putting ourselves first so when we are called upon to exercise and express this love to others in some form, "our storehouse is filled with and ready to share compassion, patience and love".
This is the way we honour and validate our self-worth, boost our personal power and build our self-esteem.
Here's some habits you can put into practice daily that will help you develop self-love:
• How you start the day: Your day can't start on a positive note if your mind is filled with negative stuff. See each day as a breath of fresh air – a new beginning. Wake with a fresh slate. Put the past behind you mentally and leave the future alone. This opens you to the moment and "all possibility".
• Begin and end each day wrapped in a huge self-hug while making a positive statement about yourself (anything that would make you smile).
• Nourish your mind and your body: The foods you put into your body help dictate your level of immunity, your hormonal activity, health and happiness. Love yourself by filling your body with the best, most nutrient dense foods and be sure to stay hydrated by drinking plenty of the best water locally available.
• Choose any one of the many different types of "mindfulness" practices to exercise your will with. With so many available (such as the different styles of yoga and meditation), there is something sure to appeal to you personally.
• Physically exercise your body properly. The body is not meant to be stationary. It is meant to move. If self-love is your goal, then stellar health must be on your agenda and that requires movement. Movement is mandatory. Your body's muscles want to be strong for us, that's their purpose and there are multiple ways to exercise and fulfil these physical needs. Make your muscles happy by challenging them with the movement and resistance they are begging for.
• Surround yourself with those that motivate and encourage you: Honest friends see and love not only the best parts of us, but the parts that are still growing and learning. They are great teachers of tolerance.
• Put an end to toxic relationships, they only bring you down and drain your energy. If it is not making you feel good about yourself or adding to your happiness, a serious red flag should be waving, whether it be a person, place or thing.
• Stop comparing. There is no one uniquely like you, so comparing is like pitting apples against oranges. They are two different things. Embrace and express freely your uniqueness and watch it blossom, grow and feed your passion.
• Stand your ground: Learn to say "no" when you feel it. Saying "yes" when you are feeling "no" is not honouring or being authentic to yourself and only ends up in frustration and loss of precious energy. Fulfil your own needs first and your energy reserves and mental attitude will be up to the task of helping others, not until then.
• Follow your passion: What gets you excited and gets your adrenaline flowing? Pay attention, you are being given an important message. Get out, explore, discover and open your mind to the vast greatness and natural beauty that life offers us freely – it will help unleash your inner passions.
• Practice gratitude: Gratitude is the great attitude. It is empowered to shift your mind and energy (and therefore your life) into a positive state. There is a silver lining to all things. If there is a negative, there is a positive, because you can't have one without the other. It's simply a matter of perspective. If you have been focused on the negative side of things, flip that switch and see the opposite side of the coin. You must open your eyes and clear your negative perceptions to see it.
• Get in touch with your internal dialogue and remove and change all thoughts that are less than encouraging and loving towards yourself.
Self-love is empowering. and like anything worth going after in life, takes a while to master. However, it is an ongoing and ever evolving challenge that can be enjoyed and built on with proper perception, loving patience and diligent practice daily.
• Carolyn Hansen is co-owner Anytime Fitness
