Guilt produces no joy whatsoever. In fact, it is a joy stealer. It is a bully that records and plays the same sentence over and over in our minds but with a new ending each time, "I feel guilty because …" We continually fill this blank statement with negative words. This keeps us exactly where we don't want to be and attracts more of the same by virtue of the universal law of attraction and the law of resonance!
Some synonyms associated with guilt are regret, remorse, self-reproach, shame, impenitence and contrition. Guilt or joy? How do we eliminate guilt from our lives, so we can feel more joy?
What we feel and experience on a moment-to-moment basis has everything to do with where our perceptions lie. By being observant and paying attention to our thoughts and the feelings they produce, we can consciously walk through them and make decisions about what perspectives we embrace and how our lives unfold. When in this state of "acute awareness" we are better able to catch triggers that would otherwise cause the most guilt and stop them in their tracks before they gain momentum.
Any negative thoughts and feelings that surface as a result of guilt need to be replaced with positive reminders about ourselves, what we are doing right and what an amazing life we have. This is how we switch our perspective from one that "sees the glass half empty" to one that "sees the glass half full". It's the practice of gratitude, and gratitude is the most powerful attitude.
Expert tips on letting go of guilt:
Keep things real – Humans tend to make things bigger than they really are. We seem to love drama and to inflate its importance, so it's vital we keep a healthy perspective and realistic view of all actions or events that occur in our lives.
Own-up – Guilt locks us into the past and keeps our energy dwelling on issues we cannot change. Maybe we skipped our gym workout for no real valid reason or ate a chunky piece of chocolate cake when we are trying to lose weight. If we are thinking about it, it's in the past. What good does it do to dwell on negative and guilt feelings from past actions? The past is past. We cannot change it. We need to acknowledge it, accept our humanity, learn from it and move forward.
View both sides – Most of us try to be as fair as possible to others, even offering unconditional love when they fall short of our expectations. However, we have trouble offering this same gift of patience and unconditional love to ourselves when we fall short of the same issue. We hold ourselves to higher and tougher standards than we do others and this unfair treatment bolsters and enforces guilt.
Learning to treat ourselves as we would treat others is an important step towards letting go of guilt and experiencing the fullness of joy that awaits us.
Ditch black and white thinking – The world is not black and white but a myriad of colours and combinations of colours. Our lives play out the same way. Black and white thinking is rigid and does not allow for leniency, being human or growth. Anything that is rigid, given the right amount of weight, eventually snaps from pressure, including rigid thinking. This type of non-malleable attitude tumbles us deeper and deeper into guilt.
Be mindful – Mindfulness is simply the act of being tuned to our body and what we are feeling by keeping our attention in the moment. We cannot consciously be in the moment if we are anxious about the future or busy regretting the past. Joy is the gift of the moment and can only be accessed in the moment.
Nurture patience – Guilt is powerful and used to being coddled as a force and favoured emotion. It won't let go easily. However, like all habits, after 20-plus days of nipping guilt in the bud, it will relent and retreat.
Guilt weighs heavily on our minds and emotions and eventually plays out in our lives. When allowed to run rampant, it steals our joy, spends our energy, suffocates our creativity and kills our productivity.
Releasing this "dead weight" opens us to joy along with a newfound mental and emotional freedom. Without guilt weighing us down, we feel incredibly light, exuberant, and powerful - a real force to be reckoned with!
Carolyn Hansen is co-owner Anytime Fitness
