Whanganui Chronicle
  • Whanganui Chronicle home
  • Latest news
  • Sport
  • Business
  • Opinion
  • Lifestyle
  • Property
  • Death notices
  • Classifieds

Subscriptions

  • Herald Premium
  • Viva Premium
  • The Listener
  • BusinessDesk

Sections

  • Latest news
  • On The Up
  • Sport
  • Business
  • Opinion
  • Lifestyle
  • Property
    • All Property
    • Residential property listings
  • Rural
    • All Rural
    • Dairy farming
    • Sheep & beef farming
    • Horticulture
    • Animal health
    • Rural business
    • Rural life
    • Rural technology

Locations

  • Taranaki
  • National Park
  • Whakapapa
  • Ohakune
  • Raetihi
  • Taihape
  • Marton
  • Feilding
  • Palmerston North

Media

  • Video
  • Photo galleries
  • Today's Paper - E-Editions
  • Photo sales
  • Classifieds

Weather

  • New Plymouth
  • Whanganui
  • Palmertson North
  • Levin

NZME Network

  • Advertise with NZME
  • OneRoof
  • Driven Car Guide
  • BusinessDesk
  • Newstalk ZB
  • Sunlive
  • ZM
  • The Hits
  • Coast
  • Radio Hauraki
  • The Alternative Commentary Collective
  • Gold
  • Flava
  • iHeart Radio
  • Hokonui
  • Radio Wanaka
  • iHeartCountry New Zealand
  • Restaurant Hub
  • NZME Events

SubscribeSign In
Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.
Home / Whanganui Chronicle

Covid 19 coronavirus: Dani Lebo - Prioritising resilience

Dani Lebo
By Dani Lebo
Dani Lebo is a Whanganui Chronicle columnist·Whanganui Chronicle·
27 Mar, 2020 04:00 PM6 mins to read

Subscribe to listen

Access to Herald Premium articles require a Premium subscription. Subscribe now to listen.
Already a subscriber?  Sign in here

Listening to articles is free for open-access content—explore other articles or learn more about text-to-speech.
‌
Save

    Share this article

    Reminder, this is a Premium article and requires a subscription to read.

Verti Lebo, 7, knows how to make fire using flint and steel. Photo / Supplied

Verti Lebo, 7, knows how to make fire using flint and steel. Photo / Supplied

COMMENT

On Monday, before 2pm, when lockdown was still just a possibility, nearly everyone I ran into remarked, "Well, you must be ready for this - you're not worried are you?", or some similar variation.

I guess I give off a "prepper" vibe. I'll take it as a compliment.

While I really had no idea if our household was in fact ready for a lockdown, it's true, I wasn't worried.

I wasn't worried because in our family we have made resilience a priority.

Sign up to our daily Covid-19 newsletter for essential advice and a full summary of the day's news and developments. Register or sign in here and select Top News Stories

When thinking of the future, some parents want their children to be happy. Others want their children to be successful. My husband and I have always said that we want our children to be resilient.

Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.

For us this includes adaptability, perseverance, problem solving and grit. We have long recognised that the world our children will grow up in is not the world that we grew up in, and feel like it is our job to prepare them to face a future that is unknown.

But resiliency seems to be directly opposed to the priorities of today's society. So how do we raise resilient kids in a society where comfort, instant gratification, and appearances are valued above all else?

Firstly, I believe it starts when we expect (and encourage) our children to do difficult things.

My daughter has an impressive list of achievements under her belt for a 7-year-old. She can do her own laundry, make scrambled eggs, make fire with flint and steel, pluck and gut a chicken.

Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.

She can do these things because we have trusted her to give them a go. She can do these things because we place high expectations on her, expectations in line with her personal capabilities, and support her to reach those expectations.

At 7 years old I don't expect her to do these things for herself all the time, but I know that she could. And more importantly she knows that she could. That belief in herself gives her a sense of power and control when things in her world feel out of control.

NeedToKnow3
NeedToKnow3

It is for this reason that I try to resist the temptation to do things for my kids that they can do themselves.

Discover more

Entertainment

Applications open for creative support packages

07 Apr 05:00 PM

Covid-19 boosts interest in resilience

31 Aug 05:00 PM

Let's think about breakfast for a minute. Is it easier for me to pour my 4-year-old's milk in the morning? Yes. Of course. Will I do it more quickly and neatly than he does? Yes again. Most definitely. But when I pour the milk for him every day all I am teaching him is that mom pours the milk really well. I am teaching him that I am "Mom the expert milk-pourer" who can be trusted with milk.

When I allow him to pour the milk for himself he is learning that I trust him, that he is capable of doing hard things, and that it's not the end of the world if he makes mistakes.

Secondly, we need to ask kids questions instead of giving them answers.

My son asks approximately 9000 questions a day. I try to answer about half of them, if that. I'm not doing it to be mean, really.

Just like how pouring the milk for the cereal every morning causes my son to view me as "Super mom – expert milk-pourer", answering his never-ending stream of questions makes him view me as "Super mom- expert question answerer – holder of all knowledge".

But I don't want to be the holder of all knowledge. I am aiming to raise resilient children, who will become resilient adults. I want them to see themselves as question answerers. I want them to know that they have the ability to make observations, research, experiment, and ultimately find answers to their own questions.

So I often say, "I don't know, what do you think?". (Sidenote: my son doesn't fall for this any more and now tells me to "Just make a good guess then mama". Touché.)

Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.

This leads me to my third thought. We can't be afraid to allow our children to go without.

Many of us parents feel obliged to give our children everything we can, as soon as we can - whether we are talking about answers to questions, favourite breakfast cereals or birthday presents.

Adaptability and the ability to "do without" are traits lost in an era of online shopping and overnight delivery. We can help children develop their capacity to withstand hardship by allowing them to practise the skills of patience and flexibility in small ways daily. So basically, when you realise that you are out of Ricies at 9pm, don't run to the store. Stay at home and watch Netflix. You are building resiliency.

Finally, a piece of advice for those of us feeling overwhelmed by the Covid-19 lockdown. One of the best ways to build resiliency is to learn a new skill. So when your child comes to you with a big question, a big worry or a big fear, sit down and figure out a way to tackle it together.

Are you worried about running out of toilet paper? Sit with your child and research bum-friendly native plants. Feeling tense about the lack of bread in supermarkets? Work together to bake a loaf or two. Wondering when The Warehouse will open again? Try working together to mend a pair of jeans or socks. Think of all the new skills we could be learning over the next four weeks.

When we work alongside our children to learn new skills we show them that learning is fun. We show them that when you put in good effort you can get a good result. We show them that they have the power to change things happening around them. And that is what resilience is all about.

• Covid19.govt.nz: The Government's official Covid-19 advisory website

Save

    Share this article

    Reminder, this is a Premium article and requires a subscription to read.

Latest from Whanganui Chronicle

Whanganui Chronicle

RSA 'alive and well' despite premises closure

11 Jul 06:00 PM
Whanganui Chronicle

‘Everyone went silent’: Whanganui Youth MP speaks in Parliament

11 Jul 05:00 PM
Opinion

Shelley Loader: How we can all get a share of the apples

11 Jul 05:00 PM

From early mornings to easy living

sponsored
Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.

Latest from Whanganui Chronicle

RSA 'alive and well' despite premises closure

RSA 'alive and well' despite premises closure

11 Jul 06:00 PM

Former members are 'more than welcome' to return, RSA Welfare Trust president says.

‘Everyone went silent’: Whanganui Youth MP speaks in Parliament

‘Everyone went silent’: Whanganui Youth MP speaks in Parliament

11 Jul 05:00 PM
Major Joanna Margaret Paul exhibition opens

Major Joanna Margaret Paul exhibition opens

11 Jul 05:00 PM
Shelley Loader: How we can all get a share of the apples

Shelley Loader: How we can all get a share of the apples

11 Jul 05:00 PM
Solar bat monitors uncover secrets of Auckland’s night sky
sponsored

Solar bat monitors uncover secrets of Auckland’s night sky

NZ Herald
  • About NZ Herald
  • Meet the journalists
  • Newsletters
  • Classifieds
  • Help & support
  • Contact us
  • House rules
  • Privacy Policy
  • Terms of use
  • Competition terms & conditions
  • Our use of AI
Subscriber Services
  • Whanganui Chronicle e-edition
  • Manage your print subscription
  • Manage your digital subscription
  • Subscribe to Herald Premium
  • Subscribe to the Whanganui Chronicle
  • Gift a subscription
  • Subscriber FAQs
  • Subscription terms & conditions
  • Promotions and subscriber benefits
NZME Network
  • Whanganui Chronicle
  • The New Zealand Herald
  • The Northland Age
  • The Northern Advocate
  • Waikato Herald
  • Bay of Plenty Times
  • Rotorua Daily Post
  • Hawke's Bay Today
  • Viva
  • NZ Listener
  • Newstalk ZB
  • BusinessDesk
  • OneRoof
  • Driven Car Guide
  • iHeart Radio
  • Restaurant Hub
NZME
  • NZME Events
  • About NZME
  • NZME careers
  • Advertise with NZME
  • Digital self-service advertising
  • Book your classified ad
  • Photo sales
  • © Copyright 2025 NZME Publishing Limited
TOP