American comedian Billy Crystal once said: "Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place."
Based on that rationale, I could have told you - minus the handsome deposit in the Saatchi & Saatchi bank vault - the "Abstain" 2011 Rugby World Cup campaign was always going to be an impotent exercise.
In fact, it makes the Air New Zealand howler in the 1999 RWC campaign look tame.
That's when the national airline painted its 747 jumbo black, with the image of the All Black front row of Kees Meeuws, Anton Oliver and Carl Hoeft emblazoned on the cabin portion of the fuselage.
The only problem was, as rugby nutters quickly pointed out, the props - loosehead Meeuws and tighthead Hoeft - were depicted binding hooker Oliver on the wrong flanks.
That PR exercise also went down like a lead balloon.
But what can we make of the latest drive that ex-All Black hooker/skipper Sean Fitzpatrick is steering?
Fitzpatrick urges Kiwi fans to abstain for the game, kicking off early next month, drawing the ire of myriad pockets of supporters, including Prime Minister John Key and former ABs captain Brian Lochore.
Key has questioned whether the organisers got bang for their advertising dollar while Lochore has labelled the campaign "crass".
That, and the public outcry of "No, we're not. Are you kidding?" via a New Zealand Herald poll, prompted major ABs sponsors Telecom to pull their plug on backing the tickler.
In fairness to the instigators, it was always intended to be "tongue-in-cheek" to get the message across to the fans - but it appears their flippancy didn't accurately gauge the mood of the public.
If anything, the timing was as clumsy as Stephen Donald trying to inject himself into the All Black backline with dire consequences.
Still raw from having to fork out $220 for another major sponsor's replica shirt, the masses have bluntly kicked the no-sex humour in the teeth.
My favourite was on TV One's current affairs programme, Close Up, on Wednesday night.
When asked if he would give up sex for the duration of the competition, the grinning middle-aged geezer replied: "Nah, I won't be because I don't think the All Blacks would do that for me, either."
No doubt, athletes have long perpetuated that sex before play zaps them of energy.
It is said that a couple having sex can use up as much energy (about 300 calories) as a bloke operating a pneumatic drill on the kerbside. Others believe it's only 25 to 50 calories, about what one would burn to walk two flights of stairs.
It seems scientists have also put a dollar either way on the pre-match sex theory.
Some test-tube boys reckon not an iota of physiological data exists to suggest sex before crouching, touching and engaging in rugby is detrimental to performance.
Other white-coats argue that pre-match sexual activity can boost one's performance because the level of testosterone in the body increases significantly.
Abstinence, it seems, grabs the attention span out of sheer frustration of not getting some, as it were.
I'm afraid I'm always going to be an inferior specimen to judge this simply because there's no way the missus will dash home from her retail outlet on Saturdays, just before my 1pm or 3pm soccer matches, to be a guinea pig in my experiment.
Besides, my sheer frustration on the field comes from the sum total of my footy team's inept skills and co-ordination which, incidentally, can leave you somewhat drained for the rest of the day for just about anything, let alone sex.
Regrettably for the late 40-somethings, whose joints are creaking and waistline stretching, working up a sweat to score a 40-love game of tennis can in itself be quite fulfilling.
But I digress. For what it's worth, boxing legend Muhammad Ali, who was renowned for his friskiness in his heyday, reportedly didn't have any amorous liaisons at least six weeks before professional bouts. SBW, apparently, concurs.
On the flip side, look at what a mess Tiger Woods has become since he gave up his favourite pastime of tweeting skirts when not teeing off a mound.
Different strokes for different folks, if you ask me.
With the economic burden most Kiwis are shouldering, it's unwise to ask them to refrain from an activity that shouldn't cost much unless, of course, you stray outside your comfort zone, as Tiger did.
Shouldn't the ABs' pay cheques and allegiance to country be enough incentive to perform?
I mean the spin doctors could have easily asked the fans to start rooting for the All Blacks to win or, alternatively, implore everyone to pull together.
Retrospectively it's equally vital for everyone to take a chill pill.