As I mowed my unkempt and neglected quarter-acre section on Saturday, test cricket in Napier was far from my mind.
No sweat, I thought, I'll just watch my daughter play her 40-over match in Hastings then mosey along for the last two hours to McLean Park to see the white shirts lift the bails for the day.
"Dad, Zimbabwe are 5-19 now," she said around midday, frantically waving her arms to catch my attention.
Irritatingly I whipped off the ear muffs, killed the throttle on the belching mechanical beast before making a beeline for the test with a lawn left as dissatisfied as grumpy customers at hair salons, left in limbo with half-done hair dye while the stylist takes a phone call.
As it turned out, the bulk of the hapless Zimbabweans couldn't buy a run in the royal trouncing as the rampant Kiwi bowlers mowed them down mercilessly with little resistance. The rest is history as the tourists found themselves unwittingly reduced to mere entries in the record books of shame.
Coming out of a self-imposed cricketing exile because of political turmoil, the African nation's demise shouldn't come as a shock to anyone, really.
The Alan Butcher-coached side have to start somewhere to get back into the cradle of cricketing civilisation.
How quickly we forget New Zealand's struggle in the longer version of the summer code mid-last century.
The Black Caps played their first test in 1930 against England in Christchurch, entering as the fifth nation to engage in an an indentured labour system that more often than not yields stalemates at the end of five days.
It took 26 years before captain John Reid gallantly whipped out a stump from the ground to denote victory - against the perennially fearsome West Indies at Eden Park, Auckland.
Ironically it took the help of wicketkeeper Sam Guillen, a West Indian who had played test cricket for the Caribbean side in 1951-52, to create history. Guillen top scored with 41 runs in the second innings while Central Districts' Harry Cave finished with an eight-wicket haul to skittle the tourists for 77 in the second innings.
It came after 22 losses and as many draws against an opposition boasting Gary Sobers and Everton Weekes. New Zealand were 3-0 down in that series.
Today the Caps are ranked seventh, one above last-placed Bangladesh, with Zimbabwe the latest entrants on the block.
Test cricket, it seems, is caught up in a time warp where no one can authoritatively claim outright ascendancy.
England, who were pretenders to the throne, are floundering somewhere in the sand dunes of Abu Dhabi, bereft of ideas to play a foxy doosra (other ball) let alone the teesra (third one) delivery from the Pakistani spinners.
England coach Andy Flower, an ex-Zimbabwe international, has questioned the mental state and batting nous of his troops who failed to overhaul 145 runs.
Across the Tasman the Indians are a laughing stock as Australian cricketers, who were on the cusp of extinction, are suddenly looking like world beaters.
Instead, the ambassadors of the boardroom bully boys are contemplating retirement, although most of them look like they don't give a rat's tail about losing after displaying similar vulnerability in England.
Are all these teams so bad?
How can Zimbabwe, who lost by 34 runs to New Zealand as hosts late last year, collapse so dramatically here?
Well, don't despair because test cricket, or any other format for that matter, has everything to do with home advantage.
You may look like chumps today but tomorrow it'll be your turn to play hosts to those wallowing in glory on their home turf.
Consequently what it boils down to is manufacturing wickets to suit your players' strengths. Winning a toss means little.
That is why there's a need to start shipping budding batsmen and tweakers, who find little traction here, to not only a spinners' paradise but also to those that unashamedly favour seamers and swingers.
If degrees of flexing one's arm in bowling is no longer gamesmanship then how can what is effectively doctoring pitches be frowned on as a devious practice?
That's what makes Indians' whingeing about Australia's loaded wickets so pathetic.
Coach John Wright and captain Ross Taylor will be mindful inflated statistics from flogging Zimbabwe is primarily mental masturbation and, periodically, that can be good. It is by no means a benchmark of success.
That's why the historic Hobart win before Christmas will remain the yardstick for a while, although it is imperative to move on to show the Blacks aren't one-hit wonders of this world.