Marcus Agnew
THESE days there are so many fantastic sport and activity options for our kids to be enrolled in - but how much is too much?
Gymnastics, soccer, dancing, hockey, cricket, swimming, rugby, athletics, netball, surf lifesaving, let alone drama and music etc ... the list goes on. Before you know it, the kids could be in a whole raft of essential activities, potentially every night of the week, Saturday, and sometimes even formal programmes on a Sunday as well!
Naturally, when we see all these other kids involved in so many activities, our parenting instincts kick in and worry that we may be depriving ours of the opportunity to reach greatness years down the track from now.
Apparently they call it FoMo (fear of missing out). These days we are all at serious risk of suffering from parenting FoMo! I know, I was diagnosed a couple of years back and sent to rehab - I'm pretty good now.
But it is a genuine concern as a parent - are we doing the right thing for our kids?
It's not only what we see around us at school and in our communities, but all the material we see in magazines and social media - is our kid going to have a chance to be the next Richie or Irene - should we be gluten free, or sugar free, or even a caveman kid?
Anyway, with all this going on, it's easy to feel like you are letting your kids down, and it becomes very easy to overdo it. Next thing we are running from pillar to post, passing in the night, no time for anything and suddenly the whole week is gone - stressed out, and that's just the kids!
So, getting the right balance is not easy, and there is no one right way ...
But what about the old saying - sometimes less is more.
The less we organise for them, the more time they have for unstructured, self-directed play, which helps develop their independent thinking and imagination.
"Deliberate play" takes the idea a step further, and is basically modified sport games like rugby or netball (or even bullrush) played at home or in the school yard. Some retrospective research in Australia a few years back identified childhood backyard battles as being pivotal to the development of many of their then dominant Australian cricket team.
Not only does unstructured play foster independence, it's also fun, and fun is often overlooked in sport development - it's the fun that is going to develop the passion.
All this then gets me thinking about the kids play environment ... If I had it my way our whole property would be artificial turf, with sticks, balls, jungle gyms and goal posts - but apparently that's not great for our resale. Perhaps then the council could lay turf on our cul-de-sac road for all the kids in the neighbourhood - imagine how many champions we could produce if we did that throughout town.
The fun, independence, and owning their sport helps develop deep intrinsic motivation in kids, and lessens the chance of them dropping out too early and rebelling because they think it's just their parents' sport.
Even at the elite level you often hear athletes talking about just going out to enjoy the game - and for very good reason, because when they enjoy it, they tend to be at their best.
So participating in all these activities these days requires some serious commitment from kids and parents. However, the kids don't need to become "the best" too early - just introduced to a well-rounded set of skills that will enable them to participate in sport for life ... and if they still have the passion, pursue excellence in sport during their later school years and beyond.
So sometimes our instincts tell us that to be a good parent we need to do everything for our kids (helicopter parenting?), but perhaps it's the opposite - let them be kids, create the environment, nudge them here and there, putting out fires along the way, but letting them make mistakes, and feel in charge of their own journey.
Beware of the hindering hand ... a guiding hand becomes a helping hand; a helping hand becomes a holding hand; and a holding hand becomes a hindering hand.
¦Marcus Agnew leads Talent Development and the Pathway to Podium for Sport Hawke's Bay. He is also a lecturer in sports science at EIT.