Election a Nail-biter. Trump, on seeing he might be losing, says, "That's not fair."
Thursday
It's a Cliffhanger.
Trump threatens to go to the Supreme Court though he does not make clear what his visit would be about.
Thursday evening
Candidates Neck and Neck.
Trump now claiming victory if only the valid votes are counted. He throws some toys from his playpen as if to reinforce his point. Biden says he is not claiming victory yet but "looking good".
A commentator on one medium said Trump is an "obese turtle on his back, flailing in the hot sun" to which Trump replies, "Nyer, nyer, nyer, anyway!" Then, for extra impact, he adds, "Anyway, your face isn't as orange as mine."
Score: 264 to 214
Wyn Drabble
Saturday
White House in Chaos as Trump Refuses to Accept Results.
"It's not fair. They're cheating," Trump is quoted as saying.
Score: 264 to 214
Saturday evening
Biden Edges Closer.
Trump, employing heavy irony, warns Biden not to be arrogant and "wrongfully claim victory". He again threatens with the Supreme Court and jettisons some more squeaky rubber toys. "Legal proceedings are just beginning," he warns decorating the message with a variety of meaningless but impassioned gestures.
Score: 264 to 214
Late Breaking News
Trump's chief of state has tested positive for Covid-19. "It's just a wee flu," Donald reminds him.
Later Breaking News
Two red cards and two yellow cards issued in fourth rugby test. Wallabies defeat All Blacks. The game puts the red card system into the spotlight. Trump asks, "What are All Blacks?"
Sunday
At Last! A Different Score: 290 to 214
Biden Becomes 46th President of United States of America.
"Let me remind you," says Trump, "that I'm the man who famously said the following which has become, if I say so myself, quite a widely-known quote: 'We are working on treatments for this, you know it's bad, this virus, terrible, but the team is amazing, fantastic and the Vice President, and it's bad, but we will make it through this war, it is a war, terrible, we are testing, tests, and I have order the FDA to removes blocks, there are blocks, lots of blocks for medicine, treatments, yes treatments soon, very soon.' "
"What does it mean?" asks an intrepid reporter.
"Oh, don't you worry about that!" replies Trump, feeling no guilt about having stolen that gem from the quote book of the late Sir Joh Bjelke-Petersen.
Final result? I think the word chaos sums it up. There will be sulking, dummy-spitting, nasty accusations and lots of "tidying up" to do. But at least this five-day stalemate is over.
When the next stage of the saga begins, I think I'll tune out. Possibilities include:
Trump Refuses to Move Out of White House
Trump Challenges Biden to Fisticuffs behind the Bike Sheds
Trump Returns to the Quiet Comfort of Being a Corrupt Billionaire
Trump Plans Comeback in Next Election
Trump Opts for a Paler Shade of Orange
Trump Plans to Market Trump Action Figure (with Accessories)
Trump Retires Gracefully and Disappears from View
Yeah, right!
• Wyn Drabble is a teacher of English, a writer, musician and public speaker.
