Wyn Drabble: Time politicians left the sandpit

Wyn Drabble says he realises he's being naïve expecting honest straight shooting from politicians. Photo / File

I'm afraid I really dislike politics. Intensely. Perhaps as much as Groucho Marx who said, "Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies."

Of course, I vote and all that but it's the game of politics I object to and it's the reason I never want to become actively involved with a political party. My only involvement will be to grasp a marker pen or a crayon and tick some boxes on a ballot paper.

I was thinking on this last week when Jacinda Ardern made her Friday Covid-19 announcement. I felt that Judith Collins and her party were then faced with two difficult choices: they could say the measures were far too harsh; they could say the measures were far too lame and wimpy.

Wyn Drabble.

Can you imagine the man hours and cost (to us) involved in deciding which option they would run with, which option would be more strategically valuable? Whether or not they actually believed in their decision would not be the issue.

Unfortunately – and this is my point – they would not be able to bring themselves to say that the Government had made the right decision and that's exactly what National would have done. It's all so silly and sandpit-childish (throws plastic spade skywards and walks away stamping feet).

And I'm not being one-sided here. I know that the same would have occurred if the parties had been swapped over. It's all so stupid and it makes me angry and I'm going to kick someone's sandcastle down. And bend their spade handle.

Gerry Brownlee flicked sand in Jacinda's face when he tried to suggest that the Government was hiding something, tried to create a sort of conspiracy theory. That strategy seems to have failed without Jacinda's having to flick any sand back at him or tamper with his Tonka toy.

If Collins can't find enough evidence to crush the government's Covid-19 decisions and prove they have been incompetent, she will just have to pick on another issue to bicker about. Unfortunately, roads, tunnels and infrastructure don't seem to be as big as virus elimination at the moment.

And boy racers have certainly plummeted down the charts. Perhaps she could focus on apostrophe use. Or – and this should sting – use of te reo Maori.

"Politics, noun. A strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles. The conduct of public affairs for private advantage." (Ambrose Bierce)

I realise I'm being very naive expecting honest straight shooting but I don't care (flicks sand all over the place).

Act leader David Seymour was quick to come out swinging against the Government decision. He said the coalition had "one job: to isolate the outbreak, but had failed".

I suppose a minor party can afford such brashness. Nobody will flick sand at them because nobody really cares. They possibly don't even have their own bucket and spade.

At the time of writing (the day after the announcement), Collins was clearly being more cautious in her response, perhaps still hurting from the knowledge that two previous leaders may have shot themselves in the foot by criticising the Government's efforts. The sandpit can indeed be a very tricky place to play.

And it will surely become a more perilous place as the election approaches. Buckets, spades, sand and vitriol will be flying all over the place and comments could get really childish. It won't be an easy place to build sandcastles, roads and tunnels.

"Everything is changing. People are taking their comedians seriously and their politicians as a joke." (Will Rogers)

Wyn Drabble is a teacher of English, a writer, musician and public speaker.