Wyn Drabble: Rich List makes poor reading

The "Rich List" makes me decidedly uncomfortable. The fact that National Business Review chooses to create such a list suggests, at least by implication, that they believe there is merit in accumulated wealth, merit in being richer than the next bloke.
I know, too, that there is a possibility that even No1, Graeme Hart, might agree with me. I don't know anything about the man (I don't even know what he does) but it is conceivable that he is embarrassed about such a list, that he has no desire to be competitive with his wealth.
It is conceivable that he just works hard, creates a lot of jobs, stimulates the economy and has absolutely no desire to be ranked.
But I'm afraid NBR ranks him and the existence and publication of such a ranking suggests that there are people who care.
I can think of far more interesting lists NBR could have published. How about this one?
Top Five Responses to NBR Rich List:
1. What is NBR?
2. Like, whatever!
3. Pardon?
4. Richie who?
5. Sorry but I have a chiropodist appointment.
Green Party figures claim that 270,000 New Zealand children are growing up in poverty (if we widen it to world population, it's every second child) so a more useful list might have been NBR's Top Tips for Household Budgeting. Then again, given how out of touch they seem to be with the reality of being poor, would their list prove to be of any value?
1. Give blood daily because you get a free biscuit each time.
2. Gatecrash wedding receptions.
3. When supermarket shopping, avoid the checkouts because they are full of tempting little items you don't really need. Find an alternative way out.
4. Never buy anything.
5. Work your way on to the NBR Rich List.
Yes, you could accuse me of being distasteful here but I'm only doing it to expose the poor taste in the Rich List. I wouldn't put it past them to suggest to the poor that they try drinking a cheaper brand of champagne. Or flying economy class.
I know it's hard for most of us to imagine wealth but this, from a reliable source, might help. Bill Gates earns US$6 billion ($6.9 billion) in a year. That's beyond comprehension so far so, keeping in mind that these are approximate figures only, let's bring it down in increments so you might begin to comprehend: that's US$500 million a month; US$16,660,000 a day; US$14,614 a minute; or US$243 a second!
Some of the following will be in poor taste too.
These are my top five famous quotes about wealth:
1. I have enough money to last me the rest of my life, unless I buy something (Jackie Mason).
2. I don't know much about being a millionaire but I'll bet I'd be a darling at it (Dorothy Parker).
3. Money can't buy friends but it can buy a better class of enemy (Spike Milligan).
4. Save a little money each month and at the end of the year you'll be surprised at how little you have (Ernest Haskins).
5. My problem lies in reconciling my gross habits with my net income (Errol Flynn).
Apparently, Princess Diana said the following but I was unable to put it in the top five because it would have meant there were six: They say it is better to be poor and happy than rich and miserable, but how about a compromise like moderately rich and just moody?
If you are my regular reader, you will remember that a few weeks back I compiled a list of personal irritants, in which Hone Harawira featured quite prominently. (By the way, thanks to those who sent me their own personal favourites.) Well, after recent events on a more personal front (pun), even Hone has slipped down the rankings.
Here are my current top five:
1. Having a catheter inserted.
2. Wearing a catheter.
3. Having a catheter removed.
4. Hone Harawira.
5. The NBR Rich List.
Wyn Drabble is a teacher of English, a writer, public speaker and musician.