Wyn Drabble: Online pop-up an irritating irony

Writer and musician Wyn Drabble is amused by a full-screen ad he 'simply cannot get rid of'. Photo / NZME

Our life is full of ironies. One is currently irritating me big time, and appears every time I turn on or wake up my PC. It is a full-screen ad I simply cannot get rid of.

Often when I do try to remove it, a smaller one (for the same product, but with $100 off "today") appears overlaid on it. And this one jiggles to attract my attention. I think it operates on the colour and movement principle often used to attract children.

So what makes it ironic? Well, I think I'll discuss a few of life's other ironies first and save the revelation until the end. It sure will make a grand conclusion.

How's this for openers? Can we safely assume that Bible readers live by a respectable moral code? Well, here's news: it seems that the most shoplifted book in America is The Bible.

I'm sure even younger people will be able to recognise Charlie Chaplin (star of my first remembered movie). Many will also recognise his distinctive walk. Well, just for fun, Charlie himself once entered a walk-like-Charlie Chaplin contest. He failed to make the podium. In fact, he was placed twentieth.

According to researchers, duct tape should never be used for sealing ducts.
Even crayons can be ironic. After 35 years working at Crayola, retiring CEO Emerson Moser revealed that he was colour-blind.

Alexander Graham Bell may have invented the telephone, but he refused to keep one in his study as he feared it might distract him from his work. Whatever would he make of today's addiction to telephones?

And did you know that the first man to survive going over Niagara Falls in a barrel later died from slipping on orange peel, or that Sweden's famous Ice Hotel has a smoke detector?

William Eno, often known as the 'father of traffic safety', invented the stop sign, crosswalk, traffic circle, one-way street and taxi stand. He was unable to enjoy the benefits of these creations, as he never learned to drive.

Cane toads were introduced to Australia to prevent the overpopulation of the cane beetle. Instead of solving the problem, they became an even worse problem than the beetle and became a danger to native animals and plants.

Death is key in quite a few examples, so discretion is advised for the next ones.

On the site where Julius Caesar was murdered in 44 B.C.E., there now stands a no-kill animal shelter for homeless cats. And gunpowder was invented by Chinese alchemists in the 9th century; they discovered it while trying to find an "elixir of immortality".

Just before John F. Kennedy's assassination, the wife of the Governor of Texas is reported to have said to him, "Mr President, you can't say that Dallas doesn't love you." Reportedly he responded, "That's very obvious".

Before I reveal the product in my irritating pop-up ad, let me comment on the irony in Alanis Morissette's hit song 'Ironic'. None of the examples in the lyrics of the song are ironic. Interesting or a bit strange, yes, but ironic, no. Isn't it ironic?

So, at last, to my irritating ad. Among other things, it offers me "ultra-fast page loading and a money back guarantee". It even updates me on how many people have taken up their introductory discount offer on the very day they are interrupting me again (as I type, it's 3,594).

I can even rest assured that the last purchase of this service by someone else was "less than a minute ago".

You've probably guessed it; the ad that is currently irritating the hell out of me but also promising to let me "stream in peace" is for an online ad-blocking service!