Wyn Drabble: Mastering the modern phone

Wyn Drabble.

As I sat down to write this, my youngest son phoned from New Orleans asking where to go for the best beignets. I described how to get to our favourite place, then he sent a photo of the shop frontage to be sure he had the right place. Ah, the modern phone!

When I was a boy, I thought I was smart because I mastered the prehistoric, steam-driven telephone. Not that it was difficult; there was button A and button B (which, from memory, you only pressed when the other party answered) but the rotary thing with holes for your finger could get a bit tricky, especially if there were lots of 9s in the number.

Of course, it was in a red booth. We didn't have a phone at home.

The biggest difficulty you might face was that the phone could have been vandalised, in which case you had to walk a considerable distance until you found one nobody had tampered with. This could mean that, by the time you had made your call, a lot of time had elapsed and a lot of distance had been covered, so you were reported as missing and the police search was on.

These days you carry your own phone with you so you don't have to walk far but you do have to vandalise it yourself - easy enough to do if you drop it on a concrete floor. And today it does so much. Just think of the services on offer: phone calls, texting, voicemail, Viber, Snapchat, Twitter (on which you can tweet), Facebook, Instagram, Extragram, Gorillagram, Rolypolygram, LinkedIn, Fast Post, iTunes, Skype, Tweetface, Twitface.

Sorry, I may have got a bit confused with some of those names.

These days you can even surf the net as you walk along the street if you like. You can also walk straight into a lamppost and injure your head.

So, for many people today, life is a constant assessment of whether what's happening in real life is more entertaining than what they can do on their phone.

I feel very up with the play when I tap mine and swipe my finger across the screen. I just wish someone would tell me what's supposed to happen when you do that.

You can become addicted, of course. For evidence, look at any group of teenagers; they're not making eye contact because they are fixed on their screens. It's modern social interaction.

But I'm sure the young are better at remembering the number of different passwords you need these days. I'm afraid that when it comes to passwords my brain is full. I feel that all my best passwords are already behind me.

In that regard, I feel our devices could be a little more encouraging. Instead of "invalid password" or "you have entered an incorrect password", why not something like, "Ooooh, you're nearly there! Have another crack"?

At least I know what a cursor is - it's me when I'm having password problems.

There was a recent Dilbert cartoon which sums up how silly it all gets: one character is saying to others at the board table, "Starting today, all passwords must contain letters, numbers, doodles, sign language and squirrel noises."

I'll try to keep up with the technology. But if you want to contact me, you might have to practise your squirrel noises.

My boy is going to see Stevie Wonder in New Orleans tonight. I'm expecting a live video-feed via telephone. I must remember to press button B when he phones.

- Wyn Drabble is a teacher of English, a writer, musician and public speaker.