Wyn Drabble: MasterChef dessert no mere trifle

I know it's not like me to be provocative but I'm going to come right out and say it: I thought the MasterChef trifle was stupid. The so-called "torturous trifle" was more folly than food, more obstacle course than sweet course.

I thought it failed on two main counts: it suffered from too many flavours and it was far from user-friendly.

The layering of so many different flavours reminded me of the Kiwi version of the smorgasbord in the Sixties and Seventies. On to the plate would go a taste of all the offerings from the table: hot, cold, sweet, sour, dressed, undressed, all were piled into a gross kaleidoscope of disparate elements with sauces running together so that most individual flavours were destroyed or lost.

Of course, a trifle does involve a number of elements and that is part of its pleasure. But not that many.

Wanting not to waste anything, I would have removed a few items and made a separate dessert. Out of the MasterChef version I would have taken the white chocolate mousse, the chocolate marquise, the cherry Italian meringue and the cherry "spheres" (puh-lease) and I would have layered them into a new chocolate and cherry dessert.

And, if cherries were out of season, I would definitely have used preserved ones rather than the "spheres". It must be embarrassing to admit you've manufactured cherry "spheres".

I would then need to create a new element for the (other) trifle, a rich vanilla custard. Not only would this create a less confusing assault on the palate but the whole creation could be made quite user-friendly. It would be served in a rather shallower dish making serving possible.

Yes, the "torturous trifle" does make a grand and imposing table centrepiece but you've got to be able to serve and eat it! With a modicum of dignity. Besides which, it certainly invited itself to be accidentally knocked over.

To serve up the MasterChef trifle, you would need a very steady hand and a spoon with a 1-metre-long handle. Whoever had carved the meat for the main course should be exempt, because they would have already made their valid contribution.

I believe the job should go to whoever it was who decided to serve such a silly dessert in the first place. Or perhaps someone with mining experience, someone who is used to boring down through the many strata of the Earth's crust.

The server should also be given the option of putting the trifle on the floor to make access easier from on high or leaving it on the table and using the complimentary step ladder (some assembly required).

The judges certainly didn't find it easy and the only shot I noticed of them digging in seemed to show they were only getting the top few layers.

Of course, there had to be something on a par with the dessert dishes of the last two series but neither of those creations required a step ladder. Surely they could have stuck to the French classics and provided a skill test which would result in something that could actually be served.

A vacherin, perhaps, Or a gateau St Honore. A charlotte. A tarte Tatin. Or even a selection of these. Or the Troisgros brothers' grand dessert, a plate which offers all their most popular sweet treats.

Or if they wanted to test even more processes, what about a platter of petits fours? That could still look very impressive as well as testing multiple skills.

Don't get me wrong. I have enormous respect for the three judges and their knowledge and expertise, so this isn't a case of sour grape spheres. It's just a plea for something a little more practical for the next series.

More likely, however, given this year's choice, is a SpongeBob SquarePants dessert made of marzipan, genoise, fruit jelly, pastry cream, icing and seaweed spheres. To make it more challenging at service time, it will have to be presented in a pineapple under the sea. And the tasting? That would be done by sucking it up through a snorkel.

Wyn Drabble is a teacher of English, a writer, public speaker and musician.