Oh sure, we could pretend like it doesn't matter, just another day full of ferrying children to school and activities, watching them not eat the dinner we have prepared. But there, lurking in the pages of social media come the kickers.
"OMG what a wonderful surprise", screams Rachel who you used to know in third form, and sent you a friend request you almost didn't accept but then did because you wanted to see if you were doing better or worse in life.
The picture caption sparkling like the diamonds on her finger. "Matt, you are the greatest husband ever, we love you thank you for being amazing and so awesome and handsome and cool, smooches."
You turn your attention now to your wife's Instagram page, the last post seven days old, a humble image of some childhood achievement one of your cherubs has managed.
"Great day with my kids", says the caption.
I was there, you think, not JUST the kids. No smooches for me? Scrolling through the pages, you search for some hint you exist, some tiny, online exclamation of love.
Ah. Here it is, a post of me, now what does this say? "Who let this idiot have a power tool, Lord help us all."
While it's true, my power tool skills leave a little to be desired, perhaps it could have read "Who let this idiot have a power tool, smooches."
Flicking through the pages of the pamphlet, the pages sparkle with possibility. The possibility of my wallet being empty, as I toss the pages toward the recycle bin the words echo in my ears "Don't bother getting me anything", and I stroll out the door, to once again be an idiot with a power tool. Smooches!
Don't miss Adam Green and Megan Banks on The Hits Hawke's Bay from 6am to 9am, Monday to Friday.
