The Hits: Lessons to learn in lockdown

The Hits DJs, Adam Green and Megan Banks.

More than 20 days into the lockdown now, and it's safe to say the wheels have somewhat come off the family routine.

At a time where we are supposed to be getting started for a return to some form of education and school work, I feel like I need to go back to school myself.

I'm contemplating asking my wife to be the teacher, so I can put some structure back in my day. It would start as I wander through the door after a shift at The Hits Hawke's Bay.

"Goooooood mooooorning Mrs Green," I'd say, in the same way classrooms full of kids had said so many times before.

"Good morning, Adam," the appropriate reply.

"Now, did you do your homework?"

"Uh...the...kids ate it?" I'd stammer, knowing full well this was an unacceptable excuse as, during lockdown, the kids will say "gross" to anything but nuggets and chips.

I'd have to go for plan B.

"I couldn't because Jacinda said it was non-essential."

Mrs Green does not seem convinced, but the day has to move along, so we proceed to class one, Home Economics.

"Today's lesson is cooking. Eggs please, poached, with a runny yolk and on a bed of Vogels and avo."

That, I can manage, so I hurry to the stove for a quick whip together, not forgetting myself. I suppose I'll need to leave the classroom to eat, so interval it is. I absolutely destroy the other kids at tag, and I'm the king of a game of bat down as well.

Back to class and it's maths. I hate maths.

"Okay, so if we take the money you spent on refreshments last week, and the extra money from this week, how much have you wasted on beverages to watch Tiger King with?"

"Let's move on," I'll reply. "Day's getting on now."

Drama class follows. Because who hasn't had a little drama in their bubble this lockdown?

Lunch. I destroy the other kids at rugby. 52 tries to none.

The afternoon rolls on. In art, I draw pictures of that weird S we all used to draw in the '90s. I can still do it really well.

And, at last, the day draws to a close with some free time before the bell. I use it to Facebook message a few memes to the teacher.

"Good afffternoooooon, Mrs Green."

Don't miss Adam Green and Megan Banks on The Hits Hawke's Bay from 6am to 9am, Monday to Friday.