Ron Rowe.
Recently (over the new year break) in the course of a conversation with a close friend I was asked; 'now that you're looking at semi-retirement what is the single most important lesson that you've learned from your time in volunteer roles, tertiary teaching, business and management consulting?'
Initially I was at a loss, there had been so much, and then, as it turned out, I didn't have to think very hard about the question for it had become clearer and clearer to me.
Several leaders in commercial and non commercial (NFP/NGO) organisations with whom I've worked, here and overseas, had over the past 18 months, or more, all kept coming up with a similar comment.
Simply put, individuals and organisations even at the most senior levels do not appear to be paying attention to simple courtesies. One long-standing client went further by saying that the act of being courteous, polite or just showing good manners was being practised less and less in her recent experiences.
Reflecting on this I too had several factual situations to prove that it did indeed seem that in this age of being customer centric, common courtesies were somehow missing.
Students have for a long while now told me (and others) that they send in applications for jobs, telephone or email and never get a reply. This is not a one-off but regularly told to me.
Over the past few months I have written a one-page, personally addressed and courteous letter to more than 20 or more senior managers in various organisations seeking an opportunity for a possible position for a well-qualified person from Papua New Guinea (recent Masters from Queensland in International business and management).
His Papua New Guinean wife is currently undertaking PhD studies in Auckland.
I've received five replies. I had worked with both over two years when an advisor to a large business college in PNG, so I knew of their very real potential and value to an organisation.
Now I understand that people are busy but even a PA replying; "Thanks for your letter we have nothing at the moment", would be great and show the sort of courtesy that I'm alluding to.
There are other instances too where telephone calls are not returned or emails acknowledged. Even with a "thanks but no thanks".
Now none of us, me included, always get it right and do miss opportunities to show courtesy. I certainly acknowledge that. Yet the disappointment of not even a reply is tangible, leaving one wondering as to the authenticity of the person or organisation with whom we have communicated.
When a key note speaker at the UN International Year of the Volunteer I presented a paper on "Servant Leadership", based on Robert Greenleaf's work. At the close of my address an African America person thanked me and then blew me away by saying: "You can't gain respect without first showing courtesy [to others]."
I've never forgotten that. And, as is well understood, respect is earned and can't be demanded. Respect is always preceded by courtesy. Courtesy, irrespective of position. Respect. Hard won; easily forfeited.
When a member of an International Leadership faculty of a large International Service Club organisation, many things stood out, yet again I was struck by the requirement sought of us, that whenever and where ever we were provided with any form of hospitality and/or service, a card was sent 'that day/that evening' to the provider of the hospitality or service. This was passed on to those we facilitated in leadership roles. It was the courteous thing to do.
Whether it's the high-tech age of instant messaging or social media in its many forms that has overtaken courtesy, the fact remains that good old-fashioned courtesy is as much a requirement today as it has ever been.
In his seminal work High Tech - High Touch, John Naisbitt, decodes our interaction with technology through the human lenses of time, play, religion and art. It raises our awareness of what role technology plays in our daily lives, and encourages a discussion about how biotechnology will alter life in the future.
In a high-tech world with an increasing search for balance, high touch (humans relating in person to one another) will be the key to differentiate products and services.
"Focusing on the effects of technology in reshaping society, brings together a mountain of evidence implicating technology in relentlessly accelerating our lives and stirring profound yearnings for a more emotionally satisfying existence."
In our craving for emotional authenticity, Naisbitt locates the great challenge of our "frenetic era".
Is it this era which has given rise to the seemingly lost basic requirements of... courtesy and politeness?
A phrase which I use on occasions. "Talent and potential may get us through the door... courtesy and respect lifts the ceiling..."
- Ron is a Life fellow of the NZ Inst of Mgt. He has more than 50 years of active leadership in several community based and volunteer organisations.