Roger Moroney: Shouting down a hoarse whisperer

I had to smile. In a supermarket aisle the other afternoon I overheard (as you do) a couple of old chaps talking.

When I say "old" I mean they were about five or six years older than me - except my brain still thinks it is just 28 years old.

It's only when I glance at my reflected self that I realise the lad looking back at me appears to be my father.

So, these two chaps were talking about the migratory Kiwi race across the ditch for stuffed pay packets and warm, blue skies.

"Where they reckon the grass is greener," was how one put it.

Both knew someone who had crossed the Tasman for the promised land of Australia and were sort of shaking their heads.

"I suppose when things come right here at least there'll be plenty of jobs going because half the workers have all shot through to Aussie," one said.

"There is that," his mate replied as they compared the prices of six-packs before one settled, somewhat ironically, on a brew made in the state of Victoria.

Then, as they went their respective ways, one simply rolled out that great old line of woe: "I wonder where it's all going to end."

To which the other bloke simply said, "probably at the finish".

You can't argue with that.

The Aussie drift came up (as it does when the Opposition's powder starts getting damp) in the unruly house of Parliament last week, with David Shearer shouting and gesturing like a shouting and gesturing thing.

He shouted that losing 50,000 people to Australia was a disgrace.

Then he shouted that losing 50,000 of something else (I can't remember) was also a disgrace - and then he found another 50,000 figure and said that, too, was a disgrace.

The Government, even though there are a lot less than 50,000 of them, were, collectively, a disgrace, Mr Shearer shouted.

And oh, how he was shouting. Then someone from across the room shouted back, so he shouted even more, and then someone else shouted.

The only one who didn't say it was his turn to shout appeared to be Winston Peters. I think he'd be first through the door if there was a shout on but I suspect he'd balk at hosting one.

The only one who wasn't shouting on that loud weeknight was the Speaker. True to his calling, he spoke instead.

He sort of suggested a couple of "honourable" members ease up a bit, which is kind of like telling a 3-year-old not to pick his nose.

They stop for a while, but are soon at it again.

The shouting all started because of the Budget, and it happens every year.

It doesn't matter which party is holding the reins to the country, because whoever isn't always has a go at them (with much shouting involved).

It led me to ponder.

What would happen if the leader of the Opposition were to stand up, after a budget had been delivered, and simply say "that's actually not too bad - let's see how it goes."

I daresay on such an occasion the speaker would not speak. Nay, rather he would begin to shout.

"Are you insane? Are you trying to take my job away?"

If both sides of the House behaved in a most respectful manner and no one shouted, interrupted or insulted "the honourable member" or accused "the "honourable member" of activities less than honourable, and spoke for the designated time they agreed to, then the speaker wouldn't have to be there. That's one job saved, one expense the weary nation need not incur.

But the dear Speaker need not be too concerned about the prospect of having to line up with the 50,000 new unemployed (yes, I remember now, that was another one of Davy boy's 50,000) because he can join the 50,000 heading for Oz where there's plenty of work, by all accounts.

Which leads me to drift back to those two blokes at the supermarket and the question which has bemused humankind since the first grunting biped crossed a wide river to see if things were any better on the other side.

"Where is this all going to end?"

Well for me and this literary meandering, right here.

Easy, really.

Roger Moroney is an award-winning journalist for Hawke's Bay Today and observer of the slightly off-centre.