Roger Moroney: A day-after TV toast to the Queen

Guests talk as Queen Elizabeth II hosts a Garden Party at Balmoral Castle.

It is June 4 today and despite what you are hearing it is not the Queen's birthday.

So, for all you staunchly royalist folk out there I hope you raised a glass of something suitable to Her Majesty the Queen on April 21 ... which actually was her birthday.

But of course the Queen is a good sort when it comes to giving her Commonwealth supporters a bit of a treat.

Like the day she visited this land, and my town, back when I was of a tender age when I could wear shorts without frightening children, and she declared that we could have the rest of the school day off as we had made the effort to go and see her at the park.

Which was kind of cool because it had the teachers looking at each other in slight bewilderment ... they hadn't seen that one coming.

So every year it comes to pass that the Queen's birthday is celebrated across this land on the first Monday of June because that ensures a long weekend.

Sort of, given that cafes and restaurants need to open, along with many shops, and deliveries need to be made and the fine staff of hospitals and other emergency services still need to be on deck.

But hey, the thought is there.

The thought is also there on Vibe tonight at 8.30pm as it effectively lights the birthday candles on television for HM in the form of the documentary The Queen at 90 ... although she's actually 92.

But TV1 sort of nudges the Queen's Birthday subject in that it does a bit of a shuffle job on the evening previously designated the property of things like Fair Go and Who Wants to be a Millionaire with Nigel Latta ... or something like that.

They have placed a movie in the 7.30pm slot tonight and it stars Helen Mirren, who portrayed the Queen in the appropriately titled The Queen back in 2006, the emotionally charged up depiction of Her Majesty in the wake of the death of Princess Diana, so hey, there is a sort of mainstream channel link to the royal occasion.

In tonight's film The Hundred Foot Journey she plays the role of a rather stern and proud traditional restaurant owner who becomes rather ratty when an Indian restaurant opens its doors just 100 footsteps away down the road.

It's a good film but will of course be plagued by unwanted menu items in the form of ads.

If only Her Majesty could decree that on the day chosen to celebrate and commemorate her arrival in this world no commercial and sales-seeking items could be shown.

Give it a thought Liz.

However, the day after our day of blowing out 92 candles, Choice steps up with a new documentary series titled Inside Balmoral.

Hey, it's only one day out.

The great Balmoral estate, which spreads out across the highlands of Scotland, has long been a favourite retreat for the Queen and Prince Philip and it has, as one would rightly expect, some remarkable history and structures.

Like the great Balmoral cairns created from huge slabs of granite, with the largest one built like a pyramid by Queen Victoria as a memorial to her beloved Albert.

As post-Queen's Birthday viewers will see, there is plenty of, shall we say scope, for the royals to enjoy their visits to Balmoral as the entire spread is twice the size of the city of Manchester.

You're looking at about 50,000 acres.

However, not everyone enjoyed the place.

It is said the late Princess Diana found it a miserable spot to head for as a holiday home.

But the prime ministers seem to enjoy it — every year the PM makes a visit for lunch with HM and the crew.

And now, we of the more common realm of life, are invited to visit on Tuesday evening.

Whip up a few cucumber sandwiches, make a cup of tea and wander the paddocks of Balmoral ... or the corridors of Windsor Castle.

Because Prime, also at 7.30pm the night after HN's "birthday" is showing a repeat of Inside Windsor Castle which is hosted by royal confidantes and castle experts.

I don't quite get it.

Two royal shows about the Queen's digs and both at the same time ... but a day late.

Scheduling huh?

To finish this essay, but for no good real reason, I have just thought of a terrible joke ... the sort of joke which qualifies me to join the Stand-Up Comedy Failures Club and the sort of thing noted TV3 comics Jono and Ben should not encourage.

So ... it is the first week of a terribly cold winter and a bloke walks into a room where his congested and sneezing missus is resting in a comfortable armchair.

"Oh there's definitely a chill in the air," he declares.

"No," she sniffles.

"There's an ill in the chair."

Yeah I know ... stick to the day job.

● Inside Balmoral, Choice at 7.30pm Tuesday: Don the tweed jacket, adjust one's hat and take a wander across the great royal escape up Scotland way.

Should the wide open landscape not appeal then the royal alternative is over on Prime at the same time. In that you can wander Inside Windsor Castle.

ON THE BOX

● The Sixties, Prime at 8.30pm Tuesday: There is absolutely no doubt, no denying, no arguing, no questioning the fact that The Beatles changed a lot of things.

They changed music, fashion and general culture ... and made thousands of barbers across the globe furious as young chaps started growing their hair and resisting the scissors.

The latter also to the disgust of parents and school authorities of course. In the United States they changed pretty well everything for young people and the entire musical scene.

Their influence was astounding and they even had the legendary Ed Sullivan applauding.

● Design Junkies, TV1 at 7.30pm Thursday: This is a rather fitting way to wrap up this creative series.

Each of the designers get to work on their own particular interpretations of Aotearoa ... which could prove interesting, given that art is a very subjective thing.