Jennifer Watts says her husband's glee in finding the Wordle answer well before she's out of bed is testing their 30-year plus marriage. Photo / NZME
I should be worried.
If police were to confiscate my laptop, they may find a dodgy search history along the lines of "How to permanently silence husband".
When they ask me about it, I will reply in one word (not five letters): Wordle.
"What?" they will ask.
"Wordle," I will reply, and even in my distressed state, I will be thinking of a handy five-letter starter word for tomorrow's puzzle.
Also, having the husband out of the way, I will relish the chance to complete the very simple and mildly infuriating word game in peace.
Ever since I introduced him to it, hub has been studiously completing Wordle alongside his toast, marmalade and coffee every morning.
He is not a word person. And I am not a morning person. So his heady glee in finding the answer well before I'm out of bed is testing our 30-year plus marriage.
"Adios, adieu," he says cheerily, as he leaves for work.
"Shut up!" I yell.
I do not need one hint. He's too liberal with them and I am too good at reading between the lines and, knowing his routinely boring starter words, getting a head start on the day's answer.
Wordle, for those disinclined to follow the news or hashtag, was created by Welsh software engineer Josh Wardle.
Here it is: you get six chances to guess a five letter word. That word is the same for all players across the planet.
The real tickler is that you get to play just one game a day. It's this sickly bit that's made Wordle a worldwide phenomenon. In our instant society being forced to wait is painful, but there's also pleasure in anticipation, and the result is a puzzle more precious and satisfying.
Josh Wardle shared the game on his own website in October last year. In January it was bought by the New York Times and in February the game moved to the Times website. It's still free. It's still one word. It's still once a day.
Purists will tell you the game feels stickier, that a new glitch sometimes means people will get different results. I've not noticed much difference. Except. More people are playing it, including husbands who will not, can not stay quiet about their daily unravelling of the alphabet.
Hub's strategy is to have the same two starter words and jam in as many vowels as possible so he's guaranteed a couple of correct tiles straight away. (Ah but not always true though and here I'm thinking of you, recent curly "nymph"). Hub sometimes doesn't know the meaning of the answer, or even some of the words he plugs in. "Not in word list" doesn't bother him at all.
Myself, I like the two line scattered approach, stuffing 10 different letters across the first two lines, often guaranteeing a win on the third line. Impressive! I've never been a first line Genius! (has anyone?), have had my fair share of last line Phews! and in recent weeks, two DNF which went something like: 3) Stone, 4) Stole, 5) Stope, 6) Stoke. Because of course the answer was Stove.
But people of the puzzle, however you do it, do it quietly. Not one clue because some of us will read every frown, hear every huff and puff. We'll take every nuance with us and ruin our own game.
Adieu (Genius!)
Sweet (Magnificent!)
Hubby (Not in word list)
He's learning to cheer silently in solitude. His new poker face may just save him.
'Money is more important to them than women.'