The outcome is out of all proportion to the offence and a feud erupts between the two families, which Pope likens to the kidnap of Helen of Troy and the subsequent wars.
This was a hugely successful poem and Pope boasted that 3000 copies were sold in four days, a massive result 300 years ago.
You can see why our modern media senses a big story and you can also detect that the idea of a young woman's personal space is not a new notion.
Rosie's cafe, where the hair-pulling shenanigans occurred, was refurbished and re-opened in the middle of last year with a name change.
The menu is extensive and eclectic, and not overpriced for that side of town, though I'd be wary of a fresh juice on offer called "unearthed roots".
Key and his entourage, which included his wife and at least two members of the Diplomatic Protection Service (specialised cops who guard VIPs), visited at least seven times in as many months when the waitress, Amanda Bailey, was on duty.
Ms Bailey broke the story by way of a well-written contribution to The Daily Blog, which is well worth reading.
The PM seems to have developed an obsession with the waitress' hair and began with what is described as "playful" touching, to which Ms Bailey did not respond.
On the second occasion, the PM approached Ms Bailey from behind, causing "annoyance".
At the third touching incident, which Ms Bailey tried to avoid, she tried "body language" to express her aversion.
The fourth contact was again from behind Key and blamed his wife Bronagh and, according to Amanda Bailey, used the word "tantalising" to describe her tresses.
On subsequent occasions of uninvited physical contact, Bronagh Key twice told her husband to desist and she at least comes out of this affair with a degree of sensitivity and honour.
The penultimate touching incident, where Ms Bailey says she reacted by saying "no, no, no," was followed by yet another where Mrs Key told the PM "leave the poor girl alone".
At this point, the penny seems to have dropped with the Prime Minister that his attentions were unwelcome and he returned to the restaurant with two bottles of his own brand red wine, which he gave to the waitress by way of an apology.
The sequel to the waitress' revelations on a blogsite was a meeting between the restaurant owners and the waitress, apparently facilitated by a New Zealand Herald gossip columnist whose brother is a business associate of the restaurant owners.
The waitress says she believed that meeting was to prepare a public relations statement about the incidents rather than an exclusive story for the newspaper.
When she discovered who the "public relations agent" was, she withdrew permission to use the story, but apparently too late.
Defenders of the PM, and I debated with one of the strongest, former National Party president Michelle Boag yesterday, are taking the line that Key is just a "feely touchy" bloke and the National Party women MPs and ministers (when they say anything) are following this line. Michelle was also trying out some blame the victim lines like the waitress didn't inform the owners (they were probably not present) and she took a year to complain (simply not true).
It will be interesting to watch this story develop and see if any lasting damage occurs.
Certainly, it's caused unhelpful glee in the international media when Key should be strutting on the international stage at Gallipoli.
For all Key's personal success, he seems to lack a moral compass.
This behaviour, which he doesn't deny, is at least weird and creepy and exploited a very unequal power relationship.
What was he up too?
As Alexander Pope put it 300 years ago: "Say what strange Motive, Goddess, could compel a well-bred Lord t'assault a gentle Belle?"
- Mike Williams grew up in Hawke's Bay. He is a supporter of pro-amalgamation group A Better Hawke's Bay (Amalgamate Hawke's Bay). He is chief executive of the NZ Howard League and a former president of the Labour Party. He is a political commentator and can be heard on Radio NZ's Nine to Noon programme at 11am on Mondays and Sean Plunket's RadioLive show at 11am on Fridays. All opinions in this column are his and not the newspaper's.
