2) When they win: Don't worship talent, he screams! What's Wayne thinking – we worship talent all the time. Wayne would have had a heart attack with all the ceremony and celebration before the Ross Shield even started, let alone all the glory of the amazing talent covered all week. Don't worship physical talent – promote work ethic and fun.
3) When they miss out on something: Like selection into the Ross Shield. You love them no matter what, support, encourage, keep it fun for them. Massively important we do this, remember for all the kids that have made the Ross Shield, there are so many more kids who haven't, and that's where many of the champions will come from – the kids who have missed out here, but will develop the true grit and determination to make it in the long run. Especially if you are one of those big kids that doesn't fit the mould of this tournament, our game needs you more than anyone in the future.
4) When they get injured: Let them take responsibility for their own rehab, use it as a learning opportunity to develop self-reliance.
5) When they say they want to quit: Don't try and give the big motivation speech, it won't work. Find ways to inspire, the key difference being it has to come from within for the child, the motivation can't be forced upon them from us.
6) When they say they want to get serious: Wayne says the true measure of whether they really are serious is if they are prepared to be independent, and take responsibility for organising themselves, all their equipment, lunch, whatever it is. They are getting serious if they can get themselves prepared.
7) When you disagree with the coach: This is a big one, as no doubt there was the odd time someone disagreed with the coach during the Ross Shield, be it before the tournament started over selections, or during the week with the team. Wayne has a three-step model here. First step is you "accept" the coach's methods, but if not, the second step is to "change" things through a respectful discussion away from the team. If that doesn't work, the third step is "leave". No other option. Don't let things escalate, and don't be that person who starts chatter behind the scenes, don't be that person who sits in the grandstand undermining the coach.
8) When they have made a mistake: Great, definitely don't jump on then, even around the house he says, don't slam them for making mistakes, if you do, they will stop taking risks. Exactly, certainly in sport development we need them to keep trying stuff they can't yet do.
9) Don't give advice: Short and sweet here from Wayne, just don't.
10) When you feel like doing stuff for them: Pretty simple again, Wayne says stop, don't do it! Yip, so often the parental instinct has us jumping in doing everything for our kids, thinking we aren't a good parent if we aren't sorting everything out for them. This is especially the case if we aren't a hands-on coach, helping out with all their gear and lunch may seem like the only way we can contribute to the sporting journey. But sometimes less is more, give them a chance sort it for themselves, make mistakes, and they will sort it better next time.
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Ka pai, Wayno, this parenting gig sounds pretty straight forward - yeah right! Each kid is different, we are all different, so there is no magic wand, but just remember balance is better, keep it fun, and they will come through in the long run.
• Marcus Agnew is the health and sport development manager at Hawke's Bay Community Fitness Centre Trust and is also a lecturer in sports science at EIT.
