Linda Hall: I have to stop phubbing everyone - including my other half

I'm trying to stay focussed on my other half, but my attention is waning.

OPINION

I’m guilty of phubbing. Mostly I phub my other half Mr Neat. He doesn’t like it.

This is how it happens.

We will be talking and then my phone or my watch goes ping (yes I have one of those watches that Mr Neat hates that notifies me if I get a message on my phone).

I try to stay focused on the conversation, but my attention wanes. I take a sneaky look at my watch. It never works. Usually, Mr Neat throws his hands in the air and walks away because I have phubbed him.

Phubbing or phone-snubbing has apparently been identified as a new behaviour. It happens when “conversations are cut off with others in their vicinity as they talk or text on their phone”.

You can double phubb too - that’s when two people are doing it to each other.

I’ve seen that lots of times in restaurants, cafes, playgrounds, everywhere. Two people sitting together silently tapping away at their phones.

I really try not to do it. I know what it’s like to be on the receiving end. I’ve been phubbed quite a lot by young and old.

Linda Hall is assistant editor at Hawke's Bay Today. Photo / Warren Buckland

It’s not nice. It’s weird really that we care more about what might be happening, or who might be trying to talk to us or show us a photo of their dinner, than engaging with the people around us.

Smartphones are part of our lives now and they are not going to go away any time soon. In fact, they will get smarter and smarter and no doubt take up more of our time.

Time we would otherwise have spent with real people, having real conversations, with animation in our voices.

I have been trying my best to outsmart my smartphone. The first step in my plan is to leave it inside when I go outside on the weekends. I actually find that easy because I always forget to take it.

The second part of my plan is to ignore it when I come back inside. I can do that for so long before this little thought pops into my head: “You haven’t looked at your phone for ages. Someone might be trying to contact you.”

Before I can stop myself, my hand has grabbed it and my index finger is pointed at it, stabbing away until I look up because my neck is hurting and half an hour has passed by.

I throw my phone on the couch in disgust and go to walk out the door and then PING. It’s in my hand again being stabbed by my finger before you can say phubbing. Most of the time I don’t even know why it pinged. It pings all the time but it hardly ever rings.

Talking has been replaced by texting and dialling has been replaced by pointy stabby fingers, jabbing at a screen.

A study by two psychologists found evidence showing that married couples who regularly engage in phubbing have lower marriage satisfaction than couples who do not.

They also noted that the problem is easily fixed by turning off their phones more often.

Now there’s a novel idea. Forget date nights, instead have turn-off-your-phone nights.

Linda Hall is a Hastings-based assistant editor for Hawke’s Bay Today, and has 30 years of experience in newsrooms. She writes regularly on arts and entertainment, lifestyle and hospitality, and pens a column.