How to strive for a social-media-free existence: Wyn Drabble

Venues for conversation used to be the kitchen table and the back fence, writes Wyn Drabble. Photo / NZME

Wyn Drabble is a teacher of English, writer, public speaker and musician. He is based in Hawke’s Bay

I can’t be the only person on the planet who doesn’t want to share the ins and outs of my daily life with the world.

There must be at least one other person who wants, for example, to eat a cronut privately and in peace rather than telling the world about it and posting a series of pics of the cronut in question. And then amassing “likes”!

Of course it’s a basic human need to communicate. But every little detail? Almost all the time? Walking along the road and straight into a lamppost?

Person: Hi. My X was down this morning. Would you please update me on what you had for breakfast?

Another person: I’m not getting many visitors to my blog. I thought more people would have been interested in my infected toenail.

Yet another person: My doctor told me I needed to reduce my social media screen time. I came straight home and posted about it.

But it’s certainly becoming more difficult to live a platform-free existence. It used to be a case of “click here for further information”, but more and more when you visit a site and you want more information about something, you are asked whether you want to sign in using Facebook, TickyTacky, Instagrim, Twit (X) or a host of other social media options.

No thank you, I don’t!

I have no desire to procrastinate, to distract myself and avoid making eye contact with reality! I have no desire to keep updating my profile, checking my tally of likes and followers or viewing other people’s cronut photos. And I certainly don’t want to experience doxxing or cyber-bullying. Or body-shaming.

I have no desire to keep posting new content, checking industry mentions, responding to comments and messages, undertaking damage control (dealing with negative posts), analysing metrics, reaching out to my followers, connecting with influencers, or blah-blah-digital-blah.

We interrupt this column to bring you an important notice: Facebook is now hiring. There is no need to apply as we already have all your details.

According to one source I discovered, the phenomenal growth of social media globally means that the number of users is expected to be 5.85 billion by 2027. The same source added that, given social media’s unlimited exponential capacity, that prediction figure could well be an underestimation.

Despite its attractive yellow paper, the humble telegram never achieved figures like that!

So my plan is to link up with other like-minded people, those who are nodding as they read this. There will be strength in numbers.

I’m looking for people who remember that the venues for conversation used to be the kitchen table and the back fence. Some might even remember the architectural offshoot, the conversation pit, a sunken circular sofa which you sat in to converse! You don’t see a lot of them these days.

I’m looking for people who remember mail sent through a postal system (telegrams for urgent stuff) and news published in a printed medium. I’m looking for people who remember that their childhood social network was called “outside” and didn’t need a password for access.

I can already hear you asking how members of my community will communicate and keep in touch with one another. Well, we would probably need to set up a group on some sort of social media platform.

Oops! No, wait! Sorry!

Perhaps semaphore could be an option. Or we could reintroduce the telegram.

Look, I admit I clearly haven‘t had time to think this through properly yet so I’ll need to get back to you. Okay, I submit. It might be worth looking out for a post on Facebook.