Here’s another example of a broken world: Wyn Drabble

Wyn Drabble says he's in the business of mocking the silliness in our everyday lives. Photo / NZME

It wasn’t an angry or bitter email and it didn’t make me feel like a criminal. But it did, at first, make me feel like some sort of petty cheat or fibber.

It unnerved me.

I do not intend to name and shame here but I am in the business of exposing – nay, mocking – the silliness in our everyday lives.

For this reason, I will say that I was using a service which I shall call Theodore and while using the services of Theodore, I also needed to engage another service which I shall call Humphrey.

Both Theodore and Humphrey are well-known national businesses.

Humphrey advised Theodore that I hadn’t paid for their service. Theodore’s email was gentle on this point: “It is a confusing process so we can understand how this can happen.”

Theodore also told me nicely that, if an error had been made, not to pay Humphrey again. “You should not have to pay for their error,” were their actual words.

The email went on to tell me that, to avoid any further penalties, they (Theodore) had paid the outstanding amount and were now seeking reimbursement from me. An administration fee of $30 would be added if I did not pay within 14 days. Out of kindness, they added, “We would prefer to avoid this.”

They then offered direct debit or credit card options for me to settle the account.

Well, I would prefer to avoid this too because I knew I had already paid it so I phoned Humphrey because I felt they were the “aggrieved” party.

I’m sure you know how the next 20 minutes or so went (press 1 for a different dial tone) so I won’t describe them but I will reassure you that my call was important to them. And the incidental music was as execrable as ever.

When Humphrey’s receptionist finally answered, she told me that to discuss this particular matter I needed to phone Theodore. The potential time factor steered me away from phoning so I decided to email.

First, I trawled through my credit card records for proof of payment. Nothing.

Then I checked my debit card records and there it was featuring the correct date and Humphrey’s name/logo. I photographed it and emailed it to Theodore. (Keep in mind here that Theodore had already paid it and was seeking reimbursement from me.) Humphrey had obviously been paid twice so that’s what I call a good little earner.

From Theodore came, “Thank you for your response, We will mark your **** as being paid and close the file. We will also be following up with Humphrey to ensure your file with them is closed. Thank you for being our valued customer.”

I had generated two files! That’s pretty major. Yet I was still a valued customer.

But Theodore’s words were ringing in my head. “You should not have to pay for their error,” the words rang.

I had indeed paid for their error. My currencies were time and frustration. This took an entire (valuable) lunchtime to sort out and at my stage of life, I treasure every hour with which I am blessed. I do not want any hour used up in this manner.

The time loss was exacerbated by the frustration and its associated rise in blood pressure, veins standing out on my neck, eyeballs popping from their sockets, fists thumping inanimate objects and bad words liberally exploding from my lips.

I had lost this cherished chunk of my life, endured the medical dangers engendered by frustration, contributed to double-payment of a fee and, to top it all off, I had generated two files! And all of this angst was for how much?

$2.60.