This week, though, I have been horribly afflicted by a brand-spanking-new First World problem that beats them all: smartphone thumb.
Yes, folks, it's a "thing". An irritatingly painful, naggy, buggy THING.
It doesn't just have one official name, it has many; texting thumb, trigger finger of the thumb, text claw, texting tendonitis.
Of course I knew none of these until it occurred to me that my recent "upgrade" to the out-sized iPhone 7 plus could possibly be responsible for a growing pain at the base of my thumb.
Extending my thumb's reach well beyond what nature had intended, I used my phone to Google the problem and discovered a vast swathe of internet resources dedicated to the rise, diagnosis, avoidance and treatment of this affliction of the affluent.
Overlooking long lists of exercises and stretches as too inconvenient, I concluded that the only solution to this personal crisis was to stop the behavior that was causing the problem.
Or at the very least limit it.
But the scary thing is you don't realise just how much you use your thumb until you try not to.
A natural left paw, I curiously use my right hand to hold my phone.
Switching feels completely cack-handed and has revealed just how much I have come to depend on my phone for absolutely everything, particularly since I've had a baby on my hip almost constantly this year.
I've also had countless wakeful hours of night feeding to investigate every iPhone application ever invented to make life easier.
Except that, as I've now discovered, they have achieved the opposite, and the time has come to break bad habits.
In place of wordy, witty, quick and descriptive missives to friends via text, email and messenger, I'm having to be blunt and to the point.
Failing that, I have to actually call and talk to people, which as we all know is highly inconvenient in both professional and personal practice, and should be avoided at all times.
I'm even considering reverting back to the bog-standard, unremarkable, smaller iPhone in a bid to fix the problem.
OMG, it sucks to be me right now.
Not since species "Homo" became "erectus" has so much change been foisted on man by evolution.
One can only wonder how long it will take before the smartest among us adapt to the smartphone and start producing offspring with longer thumbs equal to the requirements of the age of technology.
Until then, we can only fumble about with hands not equal to the task of modern living and bemoan the problems that really are not problems.
* Eva Bradley is a columnist and photographer
