Is Hawke's Bay home to one of the dimmest species on the planet?
I'm talking about the genus homo-sapien-dairy-heister, of which we appear to have an overabundance.
How desperate do you have to be for $100 cash and a packet of cigarettes that you think it is worth trying to stick up a
superette at gunpoint?
Invariably it goes wrong because these guys (and they are always guys) are not very smart. In fact, they are so dim they make Munter and Van from Outrageous Fortune look like criminal masterminds.
Unlike Outrageous Fortune, however, it is not really a laughing matter, as comical as the accounts of these mindless robberies frequently are. Anyone walking around with a gun or even something resembling a gun and the intent to hold up a dairy is a danger to shopkeepers, the public and themselves.
A 17-year-old faces jail time after a ludicrous and dangerous robbery attempt in Hastings this year. Armed with a pistol and a hammer, he tried to hold up a dairy on Karamu Rd just 600 metres from his house.
The female attendant activated an alarm and the teenager shouted abuse before fleeing. He rounded out his botched criminal enterprise by hitting an ice cream fridge with his hammer, pointing his gun in front of him as he ran and being chased by local moteliers around his own neighbourhood. We are not talking about Al Capone here.
Meanwhile, Napier police are looking for another young man who tried to hold up the Creagh St Store on Saturday night.
He entered the store about 6.50pm but his demands failed after the young shop assistant backed into a nearby storeroom and closed the door.
If this second criminal genius even bothers to read a newspaper or website, he will be sweating in the knowledge that police have CCTV pictures of him.
It is all too evident that at some stage, someone is going to get hurt as a result of these reckless and usually fruitless heist attempt. And all for want of a small amount of cash and some fags.
It is time these people evolved. If you want money, get a job. If you want cigarettes ... well, don't, they are bad for your health.
