So why the bloodbath at the Basin this week?
Let me tell you, it has little to do with the fact that captain Brendon McCullum is a poor tosser, although having the coin fall one's way can, in a naturopathic sort of way, provide a mental fillip.
Okay, we can crunch a potpourri of batting and bowling averages to justify the selection or omission of players but that, again, will resolve little, even if the Black Caps pull off a stunning victory in test No2.
Providing a sultry "green monster of a deck at Hagley Oval won't do it either because there's nothing to suggest Australian bowlers won't benefit from it just as much, if not more, than the hosts.
All it'll do is expose a fragile batting line up, Doug Bracewell's Adam Voges no no-ball ramifications aside.
But the other all-encompassing question is why on earth are we playing test cricket now when the ICC Twenty20 World Cup beckons early next month?
Last month, Olympic silver medallist Nick Willis espoused the benefits of embracing the training methodology of the late Arthur Lydiard - a half marathon-type endurance template that provides an ideal platform for shorter races.
In that vein, as purists will advocate, playing a lot more red-ball cricket will prepare players better for the hit-and-giggle ones.
Consequently, the problem with test cricket in this country goes back to May 2011, when NZ Cricket appointed John Buchanan as its director of cricket.
By the time NZ Cricket head honchos had marched Buchanan to the gangplank in July 2013, the former Australia coach's philosophy was loud and clear - make the Black Caps the world's best in white-ball cricket, first at home then abroad.
Buchanan reiterated that when I interviewed him at Nelson Park, Napier, in November 2012, when he also felt pigeon-holing players into shorter and longer formats was a faulty prescription. Was that the directive from NZ Cricket? Is it still prevalent?
Who knows but if the impact of the Buchanan dynasty was a latent one then it is beginning to come to pass.
The Black Caps stumbled at the last hurdle of the one-day ICC World Cup but, although they weren't champions, they did capture the imagination of the cricketing world.
They are No2 in ODI world rankings and No4 in T20s.
For that reason the Kiwis' impending performance in India, with their opening T20 cup match against Australia on March 19, should make for interesting analysis on a batsman-friendly Dharamsala pitch.
Test matches should be the staple diet for any summer but when marquee white-ball tourneys are around the corner then logic suggests the menu should be altered accordingly.
Look around the world and you'll find any cricketing powerhouse worth its salt speaking in a T20 dialect.
New Zealand, ranked No6 in the world in tests, are still chasing that elusive maiden world crown in T20 and ODI.
Did Australia, top seeds in World Cup ODIs, twist NZ Cricket's arm to play two test matches so they could also assume the mantle of world No1 test nation?
You don't have to be Nostradamus to realise teams that have toured New Zealand fielded enough new faces in matches to gauge their prowess for the T20 World Cup.
Conversely, every Black Caps batsman over that duration looked like world beaters ... until the Aussies arrived.
Kane Williamson and Ross Taylor are the only genuine test batsmen.
Tom Latham and Henry Nicholls have shown promise but where are blokes such as Dean Brownlie or even CD captain William Young?
The test incumbents, I'm afraid, seem to be playing white-ball cricket to secure a trip to India, never mind the distraction of IPL contracts.
Like NZ Football, it's too easy to put the boot into captain Brendon McCullum but he and batting coach Craig McMillan epitomise what Mike Hesson's mindset is at the behest of NZ Cricket.
While we're asking questions, why isn't Ish Sodhi featuring more prominently?
Leg spinners, who are an extinct species globally, can be gold dust even on benign batting wickets, although they do have the propensity to haemorrhage runs if they lose discipline.
Does marginalising Sodhi make New Zealand beggars on a golden stool?
