This week one of life's great mysteries was solved for me. Thanks to a headline in thedrinksbusiness.com I finally know why people are so painfully, pickaxe-through-the-skull boring at parties when they land a new squeeze.
Researchers from the University of Sydney have found that the "love hormone" oxytocin can dull some of the physical effects of alcohol consumption.
Essentially, you're so loved-up, no matter how much you drink; you and your beloved will never experience the same level of wobbliness as your friends.
You'll have stars in your eyes while everyone else is blurry, seeing double and dancing like they themselves choreographed Beyonce's Single Ladies video (Google it for a giggle).
It's all about oxytocin, the "love or cuddle hormone".
The last time I heard that word was when someone in the birthing suite said I'd be riddled with it as soon as my labour had finished, although I was more interested in how to procure a large-size canister of nitrous oxide to help take the edge off my entrails being kicked to bits at the time.
Oxytocin helps human beings thrive socially and sexually, and it's released in copious quantities after childbirth to help the mother sideline the trauma and bond with her infant.
Alcohol, on the other hand, makes you forget you can't actually sing, that you're not actually a supermodel and that you need actual motor skills to operate things like door handles, shoelaces and stereos and to remain upright.
Apparently, when rats were given oxytocin and then alcohol, the hormone appeared to stop intoxication and the subsequent lack of co-ordination.
Rats that were not given oxytocin were "seriously impaired", researchers said.
The findings, published in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, said oxytocin could prevent this impairment by stopping the alcohol from getting to specific sites in the brain known as GABA-A receptors, which cause the intoxicating effects of alcohol.
Human trials could mean good things for the development of new treatments for drinking disorders.
Although the hormone doesn't lessen the amount of blood alcohol it lessens the effects, which psychologically could create less of a desire to consume it.
Interestingly, in a separate experiment, oxytocin was also found to reduce alcohol cravings in rats and humans - so it looks as though if you're high on life (and on love), then you shouldn't need booze to have a good time.
Another piece of recent research raising eyebrows is that drinking wine may make you more attractive - even if someone sober is checking you out.
In a report published on livescience.com, scientists said "alcohol can dilate pupils, bring on rosy cheeks and relax facial muscles to make a person appear more approachable".
Unfortunately, your newfound sexiness is short-lived because more than two glasses will send your visage down the sinkhole.
Those rosy cheeks become red and blotchy and those relaxed facial muscles start to look slightly saggy.
The report outlined a study by Bristol University where 40 students drank different amounts of alcohol and their their sober companions judged their appearance.
Researchers photographed their faces three times: when sober, after drinking one glass of wine, and after drinking a second.
The photos were placed side by side for comparison and the sober group rated each one.
The study showed the photos taken after one drink were deemed more attractive than the sober photos.
But after two drinks students found the sober photo sexier.
"It suggests that, if it's true, people are rated as more attractive once they've consumed a small amount of alcohol," the study's senior researcher, Marcus Munafo, said on liveScience.com
However, if you consume more than two, your looks become less pretty and more pear-shaped.
Which is somewhat of a letdown because my own research shows (okay, so I texted a few mates) that after two glasses of wine most of us actually feel more attractive.
To know that we may in fact look less than average is all a bit depressing.
SIPS OF THE WEEK
Sentry Hill Feijoa Supreme $15
Wow. If you are fanatical about feijoas then this will send you into a spin.
It's fresh and feisty on the nose and palate, with squint-inducing acidity, citrus intensity and a floral flourish on the finish (that's a tongue twister). sentryhillwinery.co.nz
Rocky Knob Snapperhead Imperial IPA 1.25l $10
It might be cloudy and amber-coloured in the glass, but this Mt Maunganui-brewed ale is all about clarity in the mouth. Huge, passionfruit aromatics and pine resin bitterness burst forth from the Nelson sauvin and citra hops and finishes with gum-tingling vibrancy.
For sales email firstname.lastname@example.org
Selak's Premium Selection Pinot Gris (White Label) 2014 $10
If you're looking for a crisp, snappy white with layers of melon, quince and a splash of poached pear then this is it.
It's a crunchy, quaffing wine that will keep the crowds happy as they pick over the after-work crackers and cheese. selaks.co.nz
Esk Valley Gimblett Gravels Merlot Cabernet Malbec 2013 $16
Bright berry, pepper and cocoa characters merge into a very tasty, sweet-fruited, smooth, velvety experience.
This is a super-satisfying, excellent-value-for-money red wine. eskvalley.co.nz