Making all the wrong noises when sickness hits

Sarah Van Der Kley.

Like many people in the Bay, I have been quite relieved to experience some cooler temperatures for the past few days. As lovely as they are, there comes a time when you need a small break from constant 30C days, especially when you're not feeling well.

It's no fun having a cold but it's even less pleasant when it's blazing hot. Everyone is outside swimming or frolicking in meadows and all you want to do is curl up in a ball and hibernate for 48 hours.

I'm quite the sook when it comes to colds. I feel very sorry for myself and want to eat junk food to make myself feel better but can't taste it, so end up depressed and slightly fatter than I was before. I sneeze a lot (I sneeze a fair amount in normal life, too) and it's not something I seem to be able to do discreetly. My eyebrows go up, eyes squint, tongue hangs out (I'm told I look like a panting dog at this stage) before multiple intakes of breath, all leading to a giant "ah choo!"

If the average person's sneeze travels at 100km/h then mine would get done for speeding every time.

At least I have forewarning that a time of sickness is near. Yes, there's the sneezing, itchy throat and beginnings of a sniffle but I also seem to get the hiccups more and, just like sneezing, hiccupping is not a thing I do quietly. In fact, it can be downright offensive.

Whilst at a friend's party on Saturday night, I experienced hiccups for the third time that day.

Some people thought it was a party trick and I was trying to be funny. Others went hunting for the wild animal that they were convinced was on the loose.

So there I am, surrounded by a bunch of people I don't know overly well, trying to hiccup like a lady and failing miserably, when someone shared some wonderful wisdom on how to get rid of hiccups.

I blocked my ears while blocking my nose (both hands are required for this) and then swallowed five times. Have you ever tried to swallow nothing with your ears and nose blocked? Difficult. I'm sure I looked like an absolute idiot but hurrah, it worked!

Now, if anyone has a cure for the common cold, please send it through, care of:

Sarah's bed, where she's hiding from the world and eating food she can't taste,

Hastings.

- written by Sarah Van Der Kley