Has Murray hit his head on a hangi stone?

A109 Light Utility Helicopter flight with mayor Gisborne City from the air in November 2023.

Opinion

In response to Murray Ferris's letter regarding Tanith, Jacinda, the thesaurus and the Tui ad . . . I didn't have a clue what it was all about, so I consulted our clever old mate, Albert Ein-Steinlager.

He emailed back to say that Tanith and Jacinda should be knighted because they “could” be proven right and that they, along with Murray, could in fact — despite their opposing views — all be singing from the same hymn sheet regarding living in harmony.

Steinlager said that the thesaurus had been frozen in time as it had been the only book in the Garden of Eden library . . .

It was taken from Eden (obviously by waka) to Antarctica, where it was the founding document at the South Pole University.

The first two students who were enrolled there were Tanith and that other lady who professed a year or two ago that Māori discovered and, I think, lived in Antarctica.

Steinlager said that the puzzle about everyone's differing perspectives is about to be solved thanks to global warming, because not only will all of the hangi stones be revealed on the Southern continent, but so too will all of the tree stumps that fuelled the hangi.

It explains why the initial discoverers of Antarctica left for New Zealand in the first place, as they had obviously run out of fuel — and Antartica isn't that rosy a place when the fire goes out!

Bingo! That explains why the thesaurus is such a “cool” book and, crucially, why it was published by “Penguin” (what a “cool” story)!

“Sir Tanith” and “Dame Jacinda” — both of those have a very “cool” ring to them as well.

And all that remains to be determined, when we toast Sir Tanith and Dame Jacinda (at the South Pole University), is whether or not we do so with a Steinlager or a Tui! With the utmost respect to old Ein-Steinlager, I think it really has to be a “Yeah Right” Tui moment, given the facts to date.

Murray's plea is that we all bury the hatchet — or the thesaurus — and live together as one, in the same mutual harmony that is exhibited by every person I've ever seen walk in the gates at Whakarua Park, Ruatoria, for any East Coast Rugby game I've ever attended in the past 60 years. This mutual, respectful harmony on the East Coast of New Zealand, I respectfully suggest, would be as good as anywhere in the world, and it was founded in Uawa, where Captain Cook was so warmly welcomed when he first landed there in 1769.

Uawa is currently getting another pasting from pine slash. Pine forests that were promoted by Jacinda and her team at the expense of our wonderful East Coast communities.

Albert Einstein would have the answer . . .

Jacinda could replant all the pine trees in Antarctica, saving both pastoral New Zealand and the planet. It'd be a win-win resolution to all of our concerns. There are no bridges or beaches down there to catch the slash and, in fact, the slash would be an environmental asset — creating penguin-nesting shelters.

The “icing” on the cake, seeing Jacinda had such trouble getting down to Antarctica on her last trip, is that she could stay down there and supervise and save all of the carbon of unnecessary commuting.

That could be a really really “cool” idea that may get the majority of New Zealanders' “seal” of approval. I reckon if that happened, Murray would definitely keep voting for Labour (and so would most of us), giving us a “landslide” win that the whole country could celebrate.

Well done Albert, I'll drink to that.