That leaves car rides on windless sailing days as the only source of entertainment, not counting the other kind of sauce that I will come to later.
The car rides covering the campaign trail and studying the election signs have taken away the frustration of the yacht race and given the ticker a much needed rest.
With an ounce of creative thinking there is a ton of fun to be had with the signs of the times peppered all over town at the moment, heralding a menu of change delivered on a plate of promises.
I am sure we have all had a go at rephrasing, re-rhyming and reinventing candidates standing for local and regional councils as we encounter their tags. Some signs stand out and stare back at you and others leave you wondering why not even Photoshop could do a DIY makeover.
Some signs are reruns from many bygone elections and ready for retirement, just like the candidates on them.
What it does highlight is that if you want to stand a show at getting on to council all you have to do is change your name by deed poll and have a crack.
In my case to Tommy Tock with a sign saying: Tick Tock - It's time for a change! Seriously, it is that simple, just ask Rick.
Or how about Marvin Mojo - the mayor with all the right moves.
Garry Gumboot could be cool - kicking butt on council.
Tick Lish is laughable but then again so are many others standing, and then there is the game changer for a Maori health candidate:
Matua Pukuless - the healthy choice for DHB.
Only a handful of the signs have a crumb of non-invasive coolness to them.
Back-Black is culturally cool and a sign of the times.
The Green Mclean shows sentiment as does Terry - The Real Malloy. Fleur for Families works well as does Moultrie - The True Blue Mountie. More 'Clout' for council is cool but the chances of Kelvin rolling the cool cucumber sitting in the mayoral hot seat is about the same as the Steamers winning the ITM Cup.
But then again that's what they said about Oracle, who found a few holes where nobody thought to look and blew fresh wind into their campaign sails.
And where oh where is Hori? Mayor today, gone tomorrow?
Perhaps his campaign is not so much tongue-in-cheek as it is pie-in-the-sky, and we all need someone to chew the fat with when times are tough.
Big ups to you Hori Bro - for putting your potae in the ring and your sauce bottle in your pocket.
Oh for a mega-dot-come style mural of Hori in the mayoral robe, holding a Maketu Pie and a cheesy smile, to warm us all up on the way to work.
The pop-up signs that get up a few noses are the quirky signs that get Councillor Curach elected every time.
Perhaps the counter punch to this campaign at the next election is a candidate standing with a deed pole name Nose, and an index inserted fair and square up the honker?
But for me the only sign I want to see is "Cup Hi - we knocked the bugger off!"
broblack@xtra.co.nz
