We love our kai, our kids and our perfect golf shot or runaway try, but we can't seem to convert these into saying that we love our missus, mates or our bros.
Even more challenging, we can tell our partners and wives that we love them in the silent sanctuary of intimacy, but never within earshot of our mates who may see it as a sign of weakness.
The reality is we don't use the word aloud to each other, let alone to ourselves. Some blokes believe to say these three "I love you" words is taboo and off the radar.
"That's Sissy Bro or being a pussy and only something a sheila and mums with aprons on say to their kids."
Be brave and buy a flower tomorrow. Buy two. One for the one you love and one for yourself.
Love was not a word you heard much growing up in my generation, not by fathers to mums or dads to their kids. It was a reassuring pat on the head or an icecream shown as a sign of affection when we had done well, however, saying "I love you" was mum's or nana's job.
Times are changing and now more than ever love is a very powerful weapon when we are brave enough to use it in the battle against all the hateful acts and horrible things we see and hear.
Just as you can silence the ill-natured man with kindness and the miser with generosity, Buddhists believe you can silence the angry man with love.
Back in the day, it was all about love.
Sweet Waters was our Woodstock and the power of the flower, passed across the Pacific from San Francisco, was the green light to let love do the talking. When Stephen Stills sang: "If you can't be with the one you love, love the one you're with" - we did exactly that.
My mate Buddha believes: "If you truly loved yourself, you could never hurt another".
So perhaps on this Valentine's Day we buy ourselves a bouquet of flowers and a box of chocolates.
Just tell the lovely woman in the flower shop they are for your mum or the missus. She will smile sweetly and say "Oh that's lovely and so romantic dear, she is so lucky. Shall I wrap them in nice pretty paper?"
Yeah right!
Love is like a fire in winter. It can warm the whare if you use it, or without it the whanau stay cold.
Love is like a fire in winter. It can warm the whare if you use it, or without it the whanau stay cold.
The big test for us blokes who may see it as a sign of weakness is when you have your bluetooth on hands-free in the car, and your wife tells you she loves you.
Your kids, all good and cool. Wife, partner or girlfriend, hell no.
Crying, praying, kissing and dreaming - all acts of love done with our eyes closed.
Why is this ?
Maybe because we are most intimate when we are not influenced by who is watching, judging or jealous of our love.
So what does love have to do with it? Pretty much everything in my opinion.
If there is one thing left on the planet we can believe in, surely it is love. Personally, when asked if I believe in God, my standard answer is always "I believe in love".
It never evolved from apes, atheists or Darwin's evolutionary theories. Love was there from the get-go. It was here before we arrived, and will be around long after we leave.
How we apply it and who to, is the challenge.
Starting with ourselves is my new-age-about-to-be-old-age life lesson.
You can search the entire universe for someone who is more deserving of your love and affection than you are yourself.
Be brave and buy a flower tomorrow. Buy two. One for the one you love and one for yourself. The lovely lady in the flower shop will smile and so will the person receiving them.
Ko Tahi Aroha ki Valentine's Day.
- Tommy Kapai is a best-selling author and writer: broblack@xtra.co.nz
